That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red Forman: When my time comes I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[Donna and Kelso are hiding under a bed]
Donna Pinciotti: Is that your hand on my ass?
Michael Kelso: It was an accident.
Donna Pinciotti: Kelso, your hand's still on my ass.
Michael Kelso: IT'S STILL AN ACCIDENT.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red Forman: What have I said about comparing your sister to the Devil?
Eric: That it's offensive to the Devil?

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Jackie Burkhardt: Well, I have a date too.
Michael Kelso: Who is he? What's his name?
Jackie Burkhardt: His name is... not important. What's important is, he's better than you, in every single conceivable way.
Michael Kelso: DAMN, JACKIE. THAT COULD BE ANYBODY.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[Repeated Line]
Michael Kelso: BURN!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red Forman: [to Eric] So, this is how an immature, engaged, high school dumbass, with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges.
Steven Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna Pinciotti: An octo-burn. Let's get outta here.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Frank: I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hotdogs to teenagers.
Kelso: You got both your legs, Frank.
Frank: Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Kitty Forman: I need someone who can take evil
[Laurie walks in]
Kitty Forman: How's mama's girl? I have a job for you.
Laurie Forman: Not interested.
Kitty Forman: It pays 10 dollars.
Laurie Forman: I'll do anything for ten dollars.
Kitty Forman: For once

that's a good thing.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

[on Kitty's mother-in-law]
Kitty Forman: Red's mother is coming.
Midge Pinciotti: What's that pet name she has for you?
Kitty Forman: Whore.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red: Nothing around this house is cheap.
Eric: Except for Laurie.
Laurie Forman: I am not cheap!
Eric: Free, whatever.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Steven Hyde: Guys, can we do something besides cruise? That's the third time tonight we've driven by that house.
Michael Kelso: I know what we could do. We could go skinny dipping.
[everyone looks at him]
Michael Kelso: Naked! That's the way God intended.
Jackie Burkhardt: No way.
Michael

Kelso: Why not? It'd be fun.
Donna Pinciotti: Sure, it's fun for you guys, 'cause you can look at us, and that's a treat. But we just look at you. And that's nasty.
Eric: So, you don't want to do it?
Donna Pinciotti: Well... I don't care. I'll do it.
Eric: You... Okay, I'm in.

Fez: Naked is dirty.
[singing]
Fez: Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty.
All: Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty.
Jackie Burkhardt: [the screen flips. Everyone is in the car, naked] This was such a great idea, Michael. This was so much fun. Oh, wait, except for the part when our clothes

got stolen, you idiot!
Steven Hyde: By the way, Fez, nice tattoo, man.
Fez: Thank you. It is the Blessed Virgin of Yorba Linda. Do you want to see her dance?
All: No!
Eric: Guys, we need a plan. I'm not driving up to the house with a car full of naked people. Red hates you guys when you're dressed.
Steven

Hyde: We can go to my house.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, your mom's used of having naked guys around.
Steven Hyde: She's not even home, you moron!
[Hyde punches Kelso on the shoulder]
Fez: Put on the top forty.
[Fez reaches over for the radio]
Steven Hyde: Whoa, sit down, Fez! I see

London, I see Besticle!
Fez: Well, what do you want me to do about it?
Steven Hyde: I don't know. Tuck it in!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Eric: [badly hungover] My head hurts.
Red Forman: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: I miss Eric.
Jackie Burkhardt: Well, you still have me.
Michael Kelso: It's not the same, Jackie. I can talk to Eric about things that I can't talk about with you.
Jackie Burkhardt: Okay, well like what?
Michael Kelso: Well, for instance, the annoying things you do.

Jackie Burkhardt: Michael.
Michael Kelso: See, I can't talk to you.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Fez: You don't like me because I'm not from here.
Red: This has nothing to do with you being a foreigner. This is about you taking advantage of my daughter like a sneaky foreigner!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: Guess who made out with Pam Macey behind the gym!
Steven Hyde: Anyone with a quarter?
Michael Kelso: Me!
Fez: Damn, and I had a quarter!

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Red Forman: [Red and Eric are in the car almost late for work at Pricemart]
[to Eric]
Red Forman: You need to grow up and learn some responsibility.
Eric: I love you too, Dad.
Red Forman: What? Stop being weird.
Eric: Thanks.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Fez: I have a question Hyde. How much masturbation is too much?
Steven Hyde: There's no such thing as too much, Fez.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Fez: I like my women like I like my wine - red and full of alcohol.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Michael Kelso: [wearing Eric's pants] Well, the joke's on you, Eric. I'm wearing your pants, and I'm not wearing any underwear.
Eric: Kelso, the last time I wore those pants, I wasn't wearing any underwear.
Michael Kelso: [pulling off pants] Well played.

That '70s Show
That '70s Show

Jackie Burkhardt: Eric, no offense, I know she's your sister, but Laurie is such a whore.
Eric: Jackie, not since the "Smokey and the Bandit" debate, are you and I so on the same page.
Donna Pinciotti: Me too.
Steven Hyde: Hear hear.
Fez: Yes.
Jackie Burkhardt:

Oh, my God. You all hate Laurie?
[Everyone nods]
Jackie Burkhardt: I don't believe this. You all hate Laurie, and love me.
Steven Hyde: ...We all hate Laurie, all right.