Ultrasound Technician: Well, there you have it. Would you like to know the sex?
Leah: Yes!
Juno MacGuff: No!
Leah: Pleease, Juno, please!
Juno MacGuff: No, there will be no sex!
Ultrasound Technician: Planning to be surprised when you deliver?
Juno
MacGuff: Well, no, but I want Mark and Vanessa to be surprised and if you tell me I'll just, like, ruin everything.
Ultrasound Technician: Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at school?
Juno MacGuff: No, no, no. They're the adoptive parents.
Ultrasound Technician: Oh, well thank goodness for that!
Bren: What's that supposed to mean?
Ultrasound Technician: I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here and it's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.
Juno MacGuff: How do you know I'm so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?
Leah: Or, like,
stage parents.
Bren: They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass step-daughter would. Have you considered that?
Ultrasound Technician: I guess not.
Bren: What is your job title exactly?
Ultrasound Technician: I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.
Bren: Well, I'm a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.
Ultrasound Technician: Excuse me?
Bren: Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.
So why don't you go back to night school in Mantino and learn a real trade.
Juno MacGuff: Bren! You's a dick! I love it!
Dominic Cattano: [Speculating who shot at Frank and his wife] Maybe it was a junkie, or it was a rival, some dumbass kid trying to make a name for himself, someone you forgot to pay off, someone you slide without realizing it, could be someone you put out of business for being so successful
Zoë: So, we're gonna see if this guy is gonna let us take the car out without him, if he does, you wait here with Lee, and we'll be back in a moment.
Abernathy: What?
Zoë: I said, we're going to see if this guy lets us take the car out without him...
Abernathy: I heard what you said. I just can't believe
what you said. You know, you two got some fucking balls.
Zoë: What?
Abernathy: Don't play dumbass with me. I've been up all night, I'm still a little drunk, and I have a hangover. I should be in my hotel room asleep, not fucking around on Tobacco Road, but because Zoe wanted to drive some fucking Vanishing Point car, I'm here. Now you two got the
balls to ask me, no, scratch that, tell me I gotta go make conversation with Tom Joad while the cool kids get to go out and play? Bullshit on that!
Kim: It ain't like that.
Abernathy: Then what's it like, Kim?
Zoë: You guys are our collateral. He's never gonna go for it if we all go.
Abernathy: I
really think one human being will be collateral enough.
Zoë: You're not gonna wanna do what we're doing.
Abernathy: What, drive a car?
Zoë: We're doing more than that.
Abernathy: What, drive it fast?
Zoë: We're doing more than that.
Kim: Actually, we're
paying you a compliment because we're gonna do some stupid shit. But that's okay, we're stuntmen, we ain't got good sense, but you, you got good sense, and anybody that got good sense ain't gonna wanna do what we're doing.
Abernathy: How do you know I don't wanna do it?
Zoë: Because you're a mum.
Abernathy: You know we're
supposed to be this big posse, but that's the excuse that you guys use whenever you want to exclude me from something. So, what is it that you two daredevils are doing that I'm just so uncool I couldn't possibly understand?
Zoë: Well, we're kind of conning this guy. So maybe it's best if we don't go into detail about it while he's watching us. Besides, he's probably not
gonna let us do it anyway.
Abernathy: Okay, how about this? I talk him into it. But if I talk him into it, I go along.
Kim: How you gonna do that?
Abernathy: That's my problem. But don't worry, he'll say yes.
Zoë: What're you gonna do, blow him?
Abernathy: No! I'm going to
insinuate that Lee's going to blow him.
Archie Gates: You're scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That's a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates:
I know. That's the way it works.
[from end of movie bloopers]
Calvin Joyner: Are you not a super tool? You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht. You're Bob Stone!
Bob Stone: Shh! I made that name up.
Calvin Joyner: So what?
Bob Stone: It's not real.
Calvin Joyner: What does that mean? What, you think Mr. T, and Sting,
and The Rock... You think those guys are real? That's a bunch of dumbass nicknames by a bunch of dumbass people.
Narrator: Joe decided that in order to get out of jail, he would have to use his superior diplomacy skills.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: [talking to the prison guard] Hey, uh... I'm actually supposed to be getting out of jail, not going back in...
Prison Guard #2: [hits Joe on the back of the head] You're supposed to be in that line, dumbass!
[he points to the door]
Prison Guard #2: Hey, guys, let this dumbass out!