Susan Cooper: And by the way, I can see your gun, unless you're SO extreme that you have a second dick coming out of your hip!
Rick Ford: Cooper, is this a fucking LAKE?
Susan Cooper: [from trailer]
[due to her weight, Susan's bike topples]
Susan Cooper: Goddamnit!
Bradley Fine: Who's the finest of them all?
Susan Cooper: You are! Oh Bradley you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind, hey Bradley!
[clap, clap]
[Susan orders drones to blow up enemies and allows Fine to escape]
Bradley Fine: Haha, close one! Nice drone work, Coop. I could kiss you!
Susan Cooper: Oh, haha, well I would accept that with an open mouth.
Susan Cooper: Give me your fuckin' coat.
Anton: This is a man's coat.
Susan Cooper: Yeah, but I don't see a man, do I? I see a reject from The Sound of Music.
Bradley Fine: [Points at Aldo] Is he dangerous?
Susan Cooper: Only if you have boobs.
Rayna Boyanov: Whatever, fuck you.
Susan Cooper: I knew you liked me!
Susan Cooper: Hey! Fuck you too.
Susan Cooper: You're a loud kisser.
Rayna Boyanov: Excuse me?
Susan Cooper: You're a loud kisser, and it's gross and unappealing. You look like some old toothless woman suckin' the jelly out of a donut.
Elaine Crocker: [referring to Susan's disastrous training video] I must have watched this fifteen times now because what the fuck? I almost put it up on YouTube.
Aldo: [Yelling] Hey, heroic lady! In my country there is a saying about women like you, "Hot as fuck!",
Susan Cooper: Oh God. Not now, Aldo!
Susan Cooper: How long was I out?
Rayna Boyanov: You fainted just long enough for us to laugh at you.
Susan Cooper: What happened?
Rayna Boyanov: It was all a dream... I'm just kidding. A man's throat dissolved.
Rick Ford: [holding onto Susan's legs, the two of them dangling from the landing skid of DeLuca's helicopter] I can't get a grip. Your pants are too slippery! You should've worn coarser pants!
Susan Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry I didn't wear my fucking sandpaper pants!
Nancy B. Artingstall: I don't condone this sexy yet reckless behavior, Susan Cooper!
Susan Cooper: Oh my God, Rayna. Thank God your hair broke your fall.
Susan Cooper: [commenting on Rick's clumsy rescue entrance] He means well.
Susan Cooper: I pulled up my file.
[puts file near the keyboard]
Elaine Crocker: Jesus, not my keyboard with your pinkeye infected fingers! Why don't you just cry directly into my mouth while you're at it?
Patrick: [Shows Susan a bottle of Stool Softener pills] If you ever feel like you have been poisoned, chew one of these.
Susan Cooper: Have I done something to you to upset you?
