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Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and

grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?

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school boy: Hey nice cow outfit. Where can I pick one of those up at, the gay zoo? Homo.
Danny: No, no. It's not a cow. It's a a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet.
Wheeler: She let me keep it after I fucked her.

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Gayle Sweeny: You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.
Wheeler: What did you have for dinner?
Danny: Was it cocaine?

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[from trailer]
Ronnie Shields: Suck it, "Reindeer Games"!
Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck.
Ronnie Shields: You white, then you Ben Affleck.
Wheeler: You *are* white.
Danny: That's true, I am white.

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Gayle Sweeny: [Appropriately hugging Martin] *This* is a perfectly acceptable hug between a little and a big.
[Hugging him from behind]
Gayle Sweeny: *This* is not.
Wheeler: Well, obviously we're not supposed to buttfuck these kids.

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Gayle Sweeny: Me and the judge have a special relationship... I don't wanna get too graphic but I sucked his dick for drugs.

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Gayle Sweeny: Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Bullshit and Dr. I'm-full-of-shit?
Wheeler: In what way are we full of shit?
Danny: Which one of us has the Ph.D?

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Danny: Pick us up in two hours.
Ronnie Shields: Fuck you, Miss Daisy.

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Ronnie Shields: Damn, she got some boobies on her.
Wheeler: You sure are a fan of the boobies, kid.
Ronnie Shields: Oh yeah. Sometimes I call myself "The Booby Watcher". I even have my own comic book. "The Adventures of The Booby Watcher".
Wheeler: Okay. You know, I have a theory about boobies.

Ronnie Shields: Really?
Wheeler: Oh yeah. You see, there are as many women as there are men in this world.
Ronnie Shields: True dat, true dat.
Wheeler: And every woman has two boobs, for the most part. So there are twice as many boobs as there are men. We're outnumbered and it's overwhelming. We're powerless,

and we have to accept it.
Ronnie Shields: I like yo' take on boobies. And I like boobies.
Wheeler: Kid, you got a lot to learn.
Ronnie Shields: I know what I'm doin'.
Wheeler: Oh really? So you don't realize you've just committed one of the most common rookie boob-watching errors?
Ronnie

Shields: What you mean?
Wheeler: Never stare at the boobies, kid. Once you get caught, the game's over.
Ronnie Shields: But how?
Wheeler: It's called training. You know, being aware without drawing attention. You don't think I've noticed those 34 C's in the camouflage tank top setting up a tent directly to the left of

us? Or how about those twin cannons hiking up a mountain ridge 50 yards due west? Or the ridge itself? Round mounds of grass shaped like...
Ronnie Shields: Boobies!
Wheeler: Don't look over there. Look here. Focus... You'll get it.

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Danny: I bet if I suggested a game of Quidditch he'd cum in his pants.

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Role Models

Danny: No, I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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Role Models

Augie Farks: Naysayers tell me "You should be embarrassed." "You should not be fighting." "You look like Marvin Hamlisch." You know what I say to the naysayers? I say "Nay! I am not embarrassed." "I will fight." "Who the hell is Marvin Hamlisch?"
Danny: He wrote the music for The Sting.
Wheeler: That's a good movie.

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[from trailer]
Wheeler: [sits down] What up, Ronnie?
Ronnie Shields: I don't wanna take my pants off!
Wheeler: [stunned] What?

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Danny: Where am I going to find a girl who hates all the same things I do?
Beth: You're so romantic.
Danny: Hey. Hey... You complete me... You had me at hello.
Beth: Oh, god. Danny you're not hearing what I'm saying to you.
Danny: I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy telling her

that... to... love her.
Beth: You don't even know that one.
Danny: Hey, come on. Who are you going to call... Ghostbusters.

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Ronnie Shields: I don't wanna take my pants off.
Wheeler: What? Whoa... Whoa.
Gayle Sweeny: Alright Ronnie, that's enough.
Ronnie Shields: Bitch tried to grab my joint.
Gayle Sweeny: Language, Ronnie.
Ronnie Shields: My language is English, and this mother fucker

tried to grab on my hangdown.
Wheeler: I got my own hangdown to touch, kid
Ronnie Shields: Honky ass wanted a handful of my balls.
Wheeler: Honky... that's racist.

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Kuzzik: Rub-a-dub-dub!

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Danny: God dammit Ronnie!
Ronnie Shields: What? Because I'm black you think I did it?
Danny: No, because you did it is why I think you did it.
[Ronnie jumps on tent pole]
Danny: Let me tell you something, I am not your big, but I'll hit you. I will hit a child. I've never done that before, but I will

punch you in the face.
Ronnie Shields: Let's dance, Ben Affleck!

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Gayle Sweeny: I know why you are here, so don't BS a BSer, Ok? Your "Presence" here, court ordered.
Danny: Why did you put presence in quotes? Are you implying that we aren't here?

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Danny: [on the phone] I'd love to see you... and your whispering eye. Alright. Bye.
[to Augie]
Danny: Whispering eye?
Augie Farks: It means vagina.
[laughing]
Augie Farks: It means vagina.
Danny: Classy move, man.
Augie Farks: It means vagina.

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Role Models

Esplen: Um... Augie, now that I'm queen... I was wondering if, maybe, you'd want to be my... king?
Augie Farks: [grinning] Sure!
[pause]
Augie Farks: Am I supposed to kiss you now?
[Esplen giggles and they kiss]
Augie Farks: [to himself] Fuck yeah!