When Alexander of Macedon was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Eric Bristow is only 27.
That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.
It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline.
Golden rule of life: never underestimate your rivals.
Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.
He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed.
He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.
Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out.
I'm the world's worst after-dinner speaker. I need pictures to respond to. I was the voice of the lottery balls once and got the sack.
There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions.
Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.
I talk fast because I'm asthmatic, and I'm desperately hoping the words get out before my breath fails.
That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!
He's as cool as a prized marrow!
The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.
Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water-buffalo with a pea-shooter.
At various points, I've had a massive chip on me shoulder. I had fights about me accent with loads of those fellers you get from third-class public schools. They used to think I was speaking German.
As a kid, I was school swot, but I used to hang around the billiard halls, learning that Geordie sense of humour, mixing with low-lifes. They were the sort who'd pick your pocket and then say 'Here you are lad, here's tuppence, get yourself some chips'. I was a good rugby player, a good runner, so I fitted in at Cambridge quite easily.
It's a form of mental and verbal gymnastics, and one of the things that appeals to me most about commenting on darts is that no one knows exactly what I'm going to come out with next - and neither do I.
You can get the dart player out of the pub, but you can't get the pub out of the dart player.
