Dewey Finn: Summer, you're the class whatever. Go to the board
Summer Hathaway: Factotum.
Dewey Finn: Factoter.
Dewey Finn: Ah... Okay. Teach, teach, teach... All right, look, here's the deal. I've got a hangover. Who knows what that means?
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you're drunk?
Dewey Finn: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey Finn: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work hungover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease.
Dewey Finn: Hmm. Hmm. What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey Finn: Hmm. Freddy Jones, SHUT UP!
[Freddy looks irritated as his classmates laugh]
Freddy: [quietly] Shut up.
Dewey Finn: Point is, y'all can just chill today. We'll start on this crap-ola tomorrow.
Miss Mullins: [confronting Dewey after their 'Battle of the Bands' performance, aggressively hugs him and screams both her anger and adulation] That was INCREDIBLE! Oh my gosh, the light shows, the guitar solos and... What it REALLY you playing?
Dewey Finn: So are you not mad with me?
Miss Mullins: [venting her anger and adulation]
MAD? I'm FURIOUS! I'm HORRIFIED! But your show and performance was so INCREDIBLE, SPECTACULAR and Sooooooooo AMAZING! I can't believe it
Dewey Finn: Oh man, I would love to take the kids to a concert.
Rosalie Mullins: Concert?
Dewey Finn: Yeah. There's one at the end of the month that would be perfect. The philharmonic. They do the classics. They do Beethoven, Mozart... Enya. That kind of stuff.
Dewey Finn: Ros... I'm not a teacher.
Rosalie Mullins: Oh, Ned. A substitute is a teacher.
Rosalie Mullins: I must say, I find your methods of teaching very unusual.
Dewey Finn: Well, I did study with Dr Errol Von Sraussenburger... becken.
Rosalie Mullins: Who?
Dewey Finn: Oh, you don't know him? Oh, he's, like, one of the leading leaders in... unusual methods.
[the shy Lawrence approaches Dewey at lunch]
Lawrence: Mr. Schneebly?
Dewey Finn: Yeah? Hey, what's up?
Lawrence: I don't think I should be in the band.
Dewey Finn: Why not?
Lawrence: I'm not cool enough. People in bands are cool. I'm not cool.
Dewey Finn:
Dude, you are cool. The way you play. Why do you say you're not cool?
Lawrence: Nobody ever talks to me.
Dewey Finn: Well, those days are over, buddy. You could be the ugliest sad sack on the planet, but if you're in a rocking band, you're the cat's pajamas. You're the bee's knees.
Lawrence: Bee's knees?
Dewey
Finn: Yeah, the bee's knees. You'll be the most popular guy in school.
Lawrence: OK. I'll do it.
Dewey Finn: Now listen, this is a big commitment. Don't say yes if you're gonna flake out.
Lawrence: I won't.
Dewey Finn: Larry... welcome to my world.
[Dewey is dressed classy for the school presentation he has to give at Horace Green]
Ned Schneebly: What are you dressed up for?
Dewey Finn: I got a hot date.
Ned Schneebly: [rifling through mail] That's weird. I got a check from Horace Green Prep for $1,200. I've never worked there.
[Dewey looks worried as Ned picks up
the phone and starts dialing]
Dewey Finn: What are you doing?
Ned Schneebly: Calling the school.
[other line picks up]
Ned Schneebly: Hello, this is Ned Schneebly...
[Dewey rushes over and hits the hook on the phone, disconnecting the call]
Ned Schneebly: [confused] Dewey? What's going on?
Dewey Finn: [quietly frustrated] I told them fifteen times MAKE IT OUT TO CASH!
Ned Schneebly: Dewey?
Dewey Finn: [turns back to Ned, embarrassed] I did something bad, Ned.
Ned Schneebly: [finally understanding] No... .
Dewey Finn: Yeah. They called for a sub. I said I was you,
to make some money. But then I got there, and the kids, they rock, man. There's this kid Larry who's like
[imitating Larry]
Dewey Finn: "I'm not cool," and but now he's like
[imitating piano]
Dewey Finn: There's this other girl who can sing like
[imitating Tomika's vocals]
Dewey Finn: . She thought she was
too fat, so they were dying, and the principal got drunk. Now we're playing Battle of the Bands! It's the coolest thing! One day. Then I will come clean. I'll tell everyone it was my fault. You'll be fine.
[pleading]
Dewey Finn: One day!