Wine is crying juice. Rum is worse.
I started once a week in North Carolina at a pub called Charlie Goodnight and met a lot of comics there. Then I moved to L.A., and if you're not known, it's hard to get stage time. So you start out doing what they call 'bringers' - you have to bring five people if you wanna get on stage. It was a lot of hustle, a learning curve.
Handbags, dude. It's all about the handbags. I have quite a few purses that I spend a good deal of money on - that's my jam.
I only watched 'The Vampire Diaries' because my friends who loves vampires was like, 'Just watch it.' I was like, 'No, I don't want to watch 'Gossip Girls' with teeth.'
'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' - I had a lot of friends who told me to watch it. And I was like, 'I'm not buying seven seasons of a frickin' show.' It got to the point where, 'Seriously, you have to watch it.' Buffy is not my favorite, but it's amusing.
When I started, it was all meter maids or the sassy nurse, or the sassy receptionist in the hospital. And I felt like: Are those the only jobs that large, black women have?
I have this game with my friends: When we go out, if 'Treat yo' self' is tagged within the last six minutes on Twitter, they buy lunch. If not, I buy. They always buy.
'Glee' is very easy to clown because I feel like it's just crumbling. 'Smash!' 'Smash' is the ultimate. I love it because I'm all about theater. I did plays in high school and college, and it totally brings me back to that feeling: how excited you get on opening night, how it sucks when you're not learning the dance moves.
It is with a heavy heart that I learn of Joe Manganiello, a.k.a. my wolfy Twitter boo, is seeing one Ms. Sofia Vergara.
I moved here in 1997. It's 20 years later, and I finally feel like I'm in this business. I feel like I could call my manager if I wanted to set up a meeting to pitch something and actually get it done, based on my history and the work I've done. I can't say that I felt that way five years ago.
The best shows to tweet about are the ones that are hilarious, but they might not necessarily be trying to be hilarious. Those are the easiest and the funniest because you're like 'come onnnn.'
I want to do acting as much as I can. When you're on contract with a show, you can't really do other shows. It's hard to do film. I haven't had the opportunity to even audition much for films because I don't have an agent.
I remember doing stand-up at an open mic a long time ago, and the MC was like, 'Who's next?' I said, 'Marietta Sirleaf,' and he was like, 'What?' And I was like, 'Ugh, okay, just Retta.' It stuck with me ever since.
I met Robert Redford at the Golden Globes because he stepped on my foot. He stepped on my foot as he was walking by, and he was like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry!' And I was like, 'It's all right. Robert Redford can step on my foot.'
I've actually taken meetings about hosting a late-night talk show. I don't know that what we know as a late-night talk show is what I want. But I've been talked into a talk show, but it would be different.
For Christmas I do gift bags for my friends and the cast, and I put 'treat yo self' key chains in there. And people send me pictures of 'treat yo self' all the time.
I think anybody who works with Malcolm, the first thing they go, 'Holy cow! I'm working with Theo!' because that was part of my childhood.
I love a sexy caper show, and I love shows about con artists.
The first time I went to the Emmys was amazing. I had someone make me a dress - like, made for me.
I would often get called in to play a very loud, obnoxious - which, truth be told, I can be loud and obnoxious. My issue was when it was like a ghetto girl; I didn't think I was good at it; I didn't feel authentic. And so I had insecurities about going in on it.
