I didn't have an agent before 'Parks,' and once you're on a show, they're not going to make money off of you. So if you've already booked something without an agent, unless they really want to hustle during the downtime, there's seven months when they're not going to make money off of you.
If someone annoys you on Twitter, and they only have three friends, retweet it, then block them.
When it comes to social media tea, I recommend that you take it offline. Keep your comments at Happy Hour.
My obsession is TV and movies, so I order an obscene amount of DVDs. And I have an obsession with handbags. So once a year, I treat myself to a luxury handbag.
I was doing chemistry in Research Triangle Park in North Carolina. It was the first time I'd lived alone, and I had an epiphany while I was spending a lot of time watching TV and decided I wanted try acting.
All the people I looked up to - Roseanne, Tim Allen, and Jerry Seinfeld - were stand-up comedians who used humor to get TV shows. I'm on TV now, and I'm working towards getting my own show.
When I first started tweeting, I was just doing it because I was watching 'Breaking Bad' in my trailer and I was so scared by the assassinating cousins. And when people started responding to me, I realized it was like I wasn't watching it alone.
When it comes to this business and becoming a comedy superstar, I've never really thought about things holding me back. I think about what to do to go the next place. Comedy now isn't the only thing for me.
I know that meeting a black woman with a love for hockey is a bit like stumbling upon a unicorn in the woods... or a unicorn anywhere. I'm sure it'd be just as surreal finding a unicorn in downtown Chicago. But here I am.
I was always silly in high school. I used to always get in trouble because I was laughing. I've always thought I was funny but never thought I could use it to make money. In 1996, I decided I was going to use my humor to get on TV to make money.
If you follow me on social media, you may know that I am an L.A. Kings fan. I'm not kuh-ray-zee, but I am definitely enthusiastic. I love me some Kaaannnngggsss.
The only time I don't get nervous is if I'm doing a home club in L.A. and I know all of my friends there because then I play to my friends. When I first started doing comedy, I hated it when my friends came; it made me more nervous. Now I just try to make them laugh.
If this acting thing doesn't work out, maybe I could be a blogger.
I do a bit called, 'You go, girl!' where I say, 'Don't tell me 'You go, girl!' I get it. I don't need you encourage me.' And nine times out of 10 after I finish the bit, some guy in the back will yell 'You go, girl!' I get a lot of that or 'I hear ya!' I don't generally - knock on fake wood - get mean heckling.
The Kings made me a jersey that said 'Treat yo' self' on the back.
Twitter makes me feel like I have friends all over.
I like 'Vampire Diaries' because it has great stories.
When I was younger, I was an avid science girl. I was all about, 'I'm going to be a doctor.' Even when I graduated, I was like, 'I'm going to be a doctor.' Even though I did acting and I was in plays and drama clubs in high school and college, I still didn't think I was going to take it on as a career.
I prefer to tell stories. If it's funny, then I want to do it on stage.
A lot of comics fly by the seat of their pants, and they pride themselves on being witty, quick, and off-the-cuff. That's not my show. I wrote a show, and I want to do the show I wrote. I'm not interested in what the audience has to say.
