Planes, Trains & Automobiles Quotes

Del: You know I had a feeling that when we parted ways. We would somehow wind up back together again. I've never seen a guy get picked up by his testicles before. Lucky thing for you that cop passed by when he did. Otherwise, you'd be lifting up your schnutz to tie you shoes. I'm sorry. That's terrible. Do you have any idea how glad I am I didn't kill you?

Neal: [high voice] Do you have any idea how glad I'd be if you had?
Del: Oh, come on, pal, you don't mean that. Remember what I said about going with the flow?
Neal: How am I supposed to go with the flow when the rental car agency leaves me in a 100 acre parking lot with keys to a car that isn't there then I have to hike back 3 miles

to find out they don't have any more cars?
Del: I got a car, no sweat at all.
Neal: Well Del, you're a charmed man.
Del: Nope.
Neal: Oh, I know. You just go with the flow.
Del: Like a twig on the shoulders of a mighty stream.

Neal: Sir?
[runs up to a man getting into a cab]
Neal: Sir? Sir, excuse me. I know this is your cab, but I'm desperately late for a plane, and I was wondering if I could appeal to your good nature and ask you to let me have it.
New York Lawyer: I don't have a good nature. Excuse me.
Cab Driver - New

York: [impatiently] Come on!
Neal: Can I offer you ten dollars for it?
New York Lawyer: [scoffs] Nah.
Neal: Twenty! I'll give you twenty dollars for it.
New York Lawyer: I'll take fifty.
Neal: [hesitates, then starts to take the money out] All right, all right.

New York Lawyer: Anyone who'd pay fifty dollars for a cab... would certainly pay seventy-five.
Neal: Not necessarily...
[pause]
Neal: All right, seventy-five dollars. You're a thief!
New York Lawyer: Close. I'm an attorney.
Neal: [dryly] Have a happy holiday.
New

York Lawyer: This'll help.

Owen: Get your lazy behind out here and put that in back!
Neal: Oh, no, no. We've got it.
Del: It's very heavy.
Owen: She don't mind. She's short and skinny, but she's strong. Her first baby - come out sideways. She didn't scream or nothin'.
Del: Isn't that something. You're a real

trooper!

Cab Dispatcher: Hey! Get your car out of here!
Del: Yeah, just one sec.
Cab Dispatcher: GET IT OUT OF HERE!
Del: What is your problem? You insensitive asshole! Can't you see we have an injured man down here? Now I'll move my car, but I want you to help him up!
Neal: No!

Cab Dispatcher: [pulls gloves up] My pleasure.
[grabs Neal by his testicles]
Neal: Oh!

Del: [talking to Neal on the plane] I always order a special meal. On this airline, I go with the seafood salad. On American, I'll have their kosher plate: a little slice of salami, some roast beef, some turkey, dark rye bread, very nice. Now, if I'm flying United, I'll say I'm a youngster and they'll give me the kiddie plate. That's a hot dog, bag of potato chips, a gherkin, and

a nice little bag of Oreo cookie, mmm!

Screaming Driver: [late at night on the highway, Del is unknowingly driving in the opposite lane while a couple drive alongside him notice] Holy shit! Look at that guy on the wrong side of the highway! He's going to kill somebody!
Screaming Driver's Wife: Oh, my God!
Screaming Driver: [honks his horn and rolls his window down to get

their attention] Hey! Hey!
[Del notices and honks back in retaliation]
Neal: [waking up from the noise] Hey, what's going on?
Del: Some joker wants to race.
[Neal turns to look at the man who's now sticking his arm out his window making a turning motion]
Del: Turn around!
Neal: [turns to

Del] Don't race. It's ridiculous.
Del: [to the Screaming Driver] All right, come on. Let's go! Let's go!
Screaming Driver: Put your window down!
Neal: He wants something.
[he rolls down his window]
Del: Egh, he's probably drunk.
Screaming Driver: You're going the wrong

way!
Neal: [leans his head out the window] What?
Screaming Driver, Screaming Driver's Wife: You're going the wrong way!
Neal: [makes a nod making like he understands and sits back straight in his seat, to Del] He says we're going the wrong way.
Del: Oh, he's drunk! How would he

know where we're going?
Neal: [agreeable] Yeah, how would he know?
[turns to the couple, mockingly waves and says]
Neal: Thank you! Thanks a lot! Terrific!
Del: [also mocking] Thank you!
[honks horn a couple times and laughs]
Del: What a moron!
Screaming Driver:

You're going in the wrong direction!
[Del imitates a drunkard drinking and acting buffoonish]
Screaming Driver, Screaming Driver's Wife: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL SOMEBODY!
[Neal looks back out the window again and looks at the street, noticing that it's not the shoulder but the middle of the highway that is to his right, looks up at the

couple]
Screaming Driver, Screaming Driver's Wife: YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!
Neal: [eyes bulge, finally realizing the problem, he turns forward to find two semi-trucks side by side coming straight for them, Neal is so panicked he can't even talk loud enough] Truck. Truck. Truck! Truck!
Del: [too busy to

notice the oncoming vehicles, looking at Neal, shaking his shoulder to get his attention] What? What?
[Del looks forward to see the two semi-trucks coming head on, the two scream as they manage to squeeze their way through the gap in between them]