Jane Smith: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.
[about the new curtains Jane bought]
Jane Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
John Smith: All right, I don't like them.
Jane Smith: [pause] You'll get used to them.
Jane Smith: Any last words?
John Smith: The new curtains are hideous.
Jane Smith: [driving a stolen minivan] My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
Jane Smith: Paid actor.
John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!
John Smith: [after he throws a butcher's knife at her and misses] Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!
John Smith: I can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.
Jane Smith: [after shooting three shots through a wall at John] Still alive, baby?
Jane Smith: [after John hands her a small revolver] Wait, why do I get the girl gun?
John Smith: Are you kidding me?
John Smith: [takes her hand and starts walking towards the dance floor in a fancy restaurant] Dance with me.
Jane Smith: You don't dance.
John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover, too?
Eddie: You gotta take this bitch out!
John Smith: [while taking burned pieces of papers out of a portable furnace to look for clues] Don't tell me how to handle my wife.
[last lines]
John Smith: [at marriage counseling] Ask us the sex question.
Jane Smith: [whispers] John.
John Smith: [excitingly, stretches out all ten fingers] Ten.
John Smith: [after Jane escapes on a high wire, stand the ledge of the ledge of the floor in her building] Chicken shit!
Jane Smith: [shouting from a broken window] Pussy!
[John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar]
Jane Smith: Hey baby. I didn't hear you downstairs.
John Smith: I went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.
Jane Smith: How'd you do?
John Smith: I got "Lucky".
John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone, trying to beat Jane home] I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.
John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone, trying to beat Jane home] That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.
Jane Smith: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] Oh, come on, it was just a little bomb.
John Smith: [after throwing her across the dining room table and onto the floor, standing up behind her, welcoming her by gesturing with his fingers] Come to Daddy.
Jane Smith: [she stands up bashes him with a teapot wrapped in a white cloth and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?
John Smith: We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.
Jane Smith: [lying down in the hallway of their home] That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John Smith: Jean-Luc Gespar.
Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
John Smith: I got it.
John Smith: How many? Ok... I'll go first, then. I don't keep exact count, but I'd say, uh, high 50s, low 60s. I mean, I know I've been around the block an all, but...
Jane Smith: 312.
John Smith: What? How?
Jane Smith: Some were two at a time.
