Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: [after firing a rocket launcher, holding it and looking at it closely] We should so not be allowed to buy these.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: [hitman from the BMW opens the van's left door. John opens the other van door and yanks the hitman through] These doors are handy.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: What's new?
Eddie: Same old. People need killing.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: [searching for Jane, holding a pistol] Sweetheart...!

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: I realise you witnessed the Mrs. and I working through a few domestic issues. That's regrettable but don't take that to be a sign of weakness, that would be a mistake on your part.
[Jane is drumming her fingers impatiently]
John Smith: Honey!
Jane Smith: Wrap it up.
John Smith: Maybe it's

not such a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage - sends a mixed message.
Jane Smith: Sorry.
John Smith: Girls. Where was I?
Benjamin: Mistake on your part.
John Smith: Shut up.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Jane Smith: [during a marriage counseling session with John present] We re-did the house.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Jane Smith: [dancing with John, he's just finished searching her for weapons] Satisfied?
John Smith: Not for years.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Marriage Counselor: [during a marriage counseling session] On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane Smith: 8
John Smith: Wait Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage Counselor: Just respond

instinctively.
John Smith: Ok. Ready?
Jane Smith, John Smith: 8.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone] The first time we met, what was your first thought?
Jane Smith: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] You tell me.
John Smith: I thought... I thought you looked like Christmas morning, I don't know how else to say it.
Jane Smith: [over her

speakerphone, trying to beat John home] And why are you telling me this now?
John Smith: I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning... so there it is, I thought you should know.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Eddie: [awoken by a message with a job offer of $400,000] Tempting but I don't get out of bed for less than half a million dollars.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Girls walking by House: What's going on, Mrs. Smith?
Jane Smith: Garden party, girls.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: [after Jane told him she never cooked a day in her life] Web of lies!

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Jane Smith: I told you to wait for my signal, you didn't wait for my signal.
John Smith: Well, I improvised.
Jane Smith: You deviated from the plan.
John Smith: The plan was flawed.
Jane Smith: The plan was not flawed.
John Smith: Anal.
Jane

Smith: *Organized.*
John Smith: Jane, 90% of this job is instinct.
Jane Smith: Well, your instinct set off *every* alarm in the building!
John Smith: My instinct got the job done. It may not have been the Jane show...
Jane Smith: No, it was the John show: it was half-assed. Like Christmas, like

our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.
John Smith: Your *fake* mother's birthday present.
Jane Smith: The point is, you are *always* the first to break team.
John Smith: You don't want a team, you want a servant for hire.
Jane Smith: I want someone I can count

on.
John Smith: [sigh] Jane, there's no *air* around you anymore.
Jane Smith: [irritated] Oh. OK, what is that supposed to mean?
John Smith: That means there's no room for mistakes, no mistakes whatsoever. No spontaneity. Who can answer to that?
Jane Smith: Well, you don't have to. Because this isn't

even a real marriage.
[brooding silence]
Benjamin: [locked up in the back of the van, in a bewildered voice] *Who are you people?*
Jane Smith: [yelling] Shut up!

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: [comparing injuries with Jane] I'm slightly colorblind. Retinal scarring.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

John Smith: [both pointing guns at each other; John drops his shotgun] You want it? It's yours.
Jane Smith: [angrily, insistently] Don't! C'mon! C'mon!

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Marriage Counselor: [during a therapy session with John present] How often do you have sex?
Jane Smith: I don't understand the question.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Benjamin: [in a van surrounded by body guards driving in the middle of the desert] Oh, look. More desert.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Lucky: What? You're looking for a job or something?
John Smith: You are the job.
[John kills everybody in the room]
John Smith: [looking at the cards at the table] Pair of threes.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Jane Smith: [lying down in the hallway of their home] You ever have trouble sleeping after?
John Smith: [leaning on the wall next to her] No.
Jane Smith: Me neither.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. & Mrs. Smith

[first lines]
John Smith: [at the marriage counselor's] OK, I'll go first. Um... Let me say, uh, we don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years.
Jane Smith: Six.
John Smith: [chastened] Five, six years.