Reg: One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning!
Matthias: Crucifixion's a doddle.
Centurion: Don't keep saying that.
Centurion: Quiet! - silly person.
Beard vendor: No, no, no. Ten? You're supposed to argue. "Ten for that, you must be mad!"
Brian's mother: Ah, how I hate wearing these beards.
Brian: Why aren't women allowed to go to stonings, mum?
Brian's mother: It's written, that's why.
Beard vendor: Pssst! Beard, madam?
Brian: You silly sods!
Brian's mother: [Brian hasn't mentioned it at all] Sex, sex, sex, that's all these kids talk about!
[kneels]
Mr. Cheeky: [singing] For life is quite absurd, And death's the final word, You must always face, the curtain with a bow, Forget about your sin, Give the audience a grin
Mr. Cheeky, Crucifees: Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow, So always look on the bright side of death...
