Stan Fields: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.
Cheryl "Rhode Island": That's a tough one. I'd have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
Gracie Hart: I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I'm armed! Don't *mess* with me!
Gracie Hart: You think I'm gorgeous, you want to kiss me...
[singsonging]
Gracie Hart: You want to hug me... You want to love me... You want to hug me... You want to smooch me... You want to...
Victor Melling: I haven't seen a walk like that since "Jurassic Park"!
Gracie Hart: The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!
[Explaining why she was with a guy the night before]
Gracie Hart: I was dating him for a little while because he told me he had an incurable disease...
All Girls: Ooh.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, I didn't realize it was stupidity.
Victor Melling: What, no armored car?
Gracie Hart: That would be in my other dress.
Gracie Hart: Look I know what I'm gonna do. I haven't done this since high school but it's like riding a bike.
Victor Melling: You are not having sex on this stage.
Gracie Hart: I didn't know that was an option.
Eric Matthews: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.
Gracie Hart: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
Eric Matthews: Funny, me too.
Gracie Hart: [a taxi nearly runs Gracie over] Hey! I'm gliding here!
Victor Melling: The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It counts for 30 percent of your total score.
Gracie Hart: What's the other 70 percent, cleavage?
Victor Melling: Why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?
Gracie Hart: Because it's too hard to fit"Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" on a license plate?
Victor Melling: By the way, what are you planning to do for your talent: sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?
Gracie Hart: I will do whatever you want me to do, Yoda.
Victor Melling: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.
Eric Matthews: This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you.
Gracie Hart: Don't need that, with all this foil in my hair I'm getting HBO.
Kathy Morningside: Twenty-five years of bitching beauty queens, and what do I get? Fired! They steal my life, they steal my beauty pageant...
Gracie Hart: Hey, hey! It is not a beauty pageant, it is a scholarship program.
Kathy Morningside: Yeah, yeah.
Gracie Hart: *Yes*!
Victor Melling: [teaching Gracie how to glide] See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty?
Gracie Hart: It takes a very secure man to walk like that.
Eric Matthews: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?
Gracie Hart: You want me to beat it out of her?
