Men in Black Quotes

Jay: What branch of the government do we report to?
Kay: None, they ask too many questions.
Jay: So who pays for all this?
Kay: We hold patents on a few gadgets we confiscated from the visitors. Velcro, microwave ovens, liposuction. This is a fascinating little gadget. It'll replace CDs soon. Guess I'll have

to buy the 'White Album' again.
Jay: That's fun.
Kay: It's a universal translator. We're not even supposed to have it. I'll tell you why. Human thought is so primitive it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies. That kind of makes you proud, doesn't it?

Kay: [at newsstand] We'll check the hot sheets.
Jay: *These* are the hot sheets?
Kay: Best investigative reporting on the planet. Read the New York Times if you want, they get lucky sometimes.
Jay: I cannot believe you're looking for tips in the supermarket tabloids.
Kay: [front-age

article about farmer's stolen skin] Not looking for. Found.

[J crushes cockroaches, which enrages Edgar]
Jay: Well, well. Big, bad Bug got a bit of a soft spot, huh? What I can't understand is, why you gotta come down here bringing all this ruckus! Snatching up galaxies and everything. My attitude is: don't start nothing, won't BE nothing!
[Laurel Weaver looks at the two, amazed as Edgar leans close to Jay]

Jay: You better ease up out of my face before something bad happen to you.
[Kay cocks his gun while inside Edgar's stomach]
Jay: Too late.
[He gets blasted into two from inside, Kay falls down next to Jay as they both are covered in slime]

Kay: In the mid-50s the government started an underfunded agency with the simple and laughable purpose of establishing contact with a race not of this planet. Everyone thought the agency was a joke, except the aliens who made contact March 1961, outside New York. There were nine of us that first night. Seven agents, one astronomer,
[MiB photo of himself with an alien]

Kay: and one dumb kid who got lost on the wrong back road.
Jay: Oh, you brought that tall man some flowers.
Kay: This way... They were a group of intergalactic refugees. Wanted Earth for an apolitical zone for creatures without a planet. Did you ever see 'Casablanca?' Same thing, except no Nazis. We agreed and concealed all the

evidence of their landing.
Jay: So these are real flying saucers, and the World's Fair was a cover-up for their landing?
Kay: Why else hold it in Queens? More non-humans arrive every year and live among us in secret.
Jay: Look, I'm sorry. Not to change the subject, but when was the last time you had a CAT scan?

Kay: Six months ago. It's company policy.
Jay: Make another appointment.

Edgar/Bug: Y'know, I've noticed an infestation here. Everywhere I look, in fact. Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscious pond scum, totally convinced of their own superiority as they scurry about their short, pointless lives.
Zap-Em Man: Well, yeah. Uh... don't you want to get rid of 'em?
Edgar/Bug: Ah... in the worst

way.