Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: This caused the 1977 New York blackout. A practical joke by the great attractor. He thought it was funny as hell.

Men in Black
Men in Black

[from trailer]
Kay: We are the best kept secret in the galaxy. We monitor, licence and police all alien activity on the Earth. We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret, we exist in shadow.
Jay: And we dress in black.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: Not bad for your second day of work, is it?
Jay: This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter.
Kay: You should've been here for the Zeronian migration in 1968.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs, you piece of shit...
Jeebs: He looked all right to me.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Zed: We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: Do you remember the little red button?
Jay: [warily] Yeah...
Kay: Push the little red button.
[Jay pushes it]
Kay: And you may want to put on a seatbelt...
[the car flips upside down, sprouts rocket engines and begins riding along the top of the tunnel. Kay is safe because he has a seatbelt

on, but Jay is flipped over]
Jay: Kay! Kayyyyy!

Men in Black
Men in Black

Jay: Yo, Kay, check it out, when do I get my own little flashy-thing memory-messer-upper?
Kay: When you grow up.
Jay: Hmm, 'kay.
[scratches his forehead with his middle finger]

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: [looking skywards] They're beautiful, aren't they?
Jay: What?
Kay: The stars.
Jay: K, you're frightening your partner...
Kay: I haven't been looking for a partner. I've been looking for a replacement.
Jay: K, I can NOT do this by myself, all right?

Dr. Weaver: Hey, guys, can you drop me off home? My apartment isn't in this area...
Kay: I've just been down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach. That's one of a hundred memories I don't want.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Dr. Weaver: What's with the cat?
Cop in Morgue: Oh, the cat. Yeah, well, there's a problem with the cat. Sign here.
Dr. Weaver: [signing] What's the problem with the cat?
Cop in Morgue: It's your problem.
[leaves chortling at his own joke]
Dr. Weaver: I hate the living.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: Arquillian battle rules, kid: first we get an ultimatum, then a warning shot, then we have a galactic standard week to respond.
Jay: A galactic standard week? How the hell long is that?
Kay: One hour.
Jay: One hour... then what?
[the message translation flashes across the screen: "MIB, DELIVER THE

GALAXY OR EARTH WILL BE DESTROYED."]
Jay: Oh, now that's bullshit.
[the message adds, "SORRY." The countdown begins]
Kay: Look, kid, to keep the bugs from getting it, the Arquillians WILL destroy that galaxy.
Zed: And whatever planet it's on.
Jay: You're talking about us?

Zed: [chuckles] Sucks, huh?

Men in Black
Men in Black

Jay: Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise 'round in a Ford P.O.S.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Jay: You know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Kay: Try it.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: Meet the Twins, Bweryang and Bob.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Zed: Edwards. Let's put it on.
Edwards: Put what on?
Zed: The last suit you'll ever wear.

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?
Jay: Uh, wait, that was on "Final Jeopardy!" last night. Damn, Alex said...
Kay: [opening his cell phone] Zed, we have a bug.

Men in Black
Men in Black

[Jay has just helped deliver an alien baby]
Kay: Congratulations, Reg. It's a... squid.

Men in Black
Men in Black

[after delivering a squid-like alien baby]
Jay: You know it's actually kinda...
[baby throws up on him]
Jay: ...cute.

Men in Black
Men in Black

[after Kay informs Zed that they have a bug]
Jay: And what, we don't like bugs?
Kay: Bugs thrive on carnage, Tiger. They consume, infest, destroy, live off the death and destruction of other species.
Jay: You were stung as a child, weren't you?
Kay: Imagine a giant cockroach, with unlimited strength, a

massive inferiority complex, and a real short temper, is tear-assing around Manhattan Island in a brand-new Edgar suit. That sound like fun?

Men in Black
Men in Black

Kay: So what do you think?
Jay: Whew! Very interesting. She got a whole "queen of the undead" thing going on...
Kay: What about the body?
Jay: Great body...
Kay: The DEAD body.

Men in Black
Men in Black

[the Edgar-Bug has just captured the deputy medical examiner Laurel Weaver and is holding her at ray-gunpoint]
Kay: Let her go, shit eater.
Bug: Oh, listen, monkey boy. Compared to you humans, I'm on the top of the evolutionary ladder, so can it, all right?
Kay: You're breaking my heart. Show me your face and I'll cure all

your ills.
Bug: You ever pull the wings off a fly? You care to see the fly get even?