Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Agent J: [pulled over by two police officers] How are you, officers? What can I do you for?
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Well, look at this. Powered windows, powered seats. I'll bet you the thing costs six grand.
Agent J: Uh, yes, and it has a roof, but it's hidden.
1969 NYPD Cop #2: Hey, what kind of work do you do? An

individual of your particular... ethnic persuasion?
Agent J: Mmm.
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Maybe he's a noted athlete.
Agent J: Mmm! Yes. Uh... Starting forward for the Detroit Darkies.
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Where did you get the car?
1969 NYPD Cop #2: And the suit?
Agent

J: I stole them both.
[to Cop 1]
Agent J: Uh, car from your wife...
[to Cop 2]
Agent J: ... suit from your grandmother.
[while being frisked]
Agent J: Hey.
1969 NYPD Cop #1: [finds Jay's gun] What do we have here? Concealed weapon?
Agent J: [pointing

at Cop #2] Hey, it's his grandmother's suit.
1969 NYPD Cop #2: [finds Jay's neuralyzer] What's this?
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Probably drugs.
Agent J: Listen, I have rights, and I demand to see my lawyer before you press that small button on the side firmly!
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Press it.
[Cop #2 presses

the button, neuralyzing himself and Cop #1]
Agent J: That, gentlemen, is a standard-issue neuralyzer, but you're not gonna remember that. And just because you see a black man driving in a nice car, does not mean it's stolen!
[pauses]
Agent J: I stole that one. But not 'cause I'm black!
[jumps back into the car and drives off]

Agent J: I'll be done with the car in a minute! Just find it and take it back to the jerk at the Roosevelt Hotel.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Agent J: [looks at an alien fish] Ooh. You look like you come from the planet... Damn.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

[from trailer]
Agent K: There are things out there you don't need to know about.
Agent J: That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me!

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

[from trailer]
Agent J: [to K] I am getting too old for this. I can only imagine how YOU feel.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Coney Island Flower Child: Hey, make love, not war.
Boris The Animal: I prefer to do both.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Boris The Animal: I win! I'm better than me.
Young Agent K: [Blows off Boris's arm]

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Colonel: Where's your partner?
Young Agent K: He's fine, he went back home.
Colonel: How's that work?
Young Agent K: You got me!

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

[about to be neuralyzed]
Agent J: K, if you see Boris tomorrow, kill him! Don't arrest him, just kill him!

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Jeffrey Price: Do not lose that time device or you will be stuck in 1969! It wasn't the best time for your people. I'm just saying. It's a lot cooler, now.
Agent J: How will I know if it works?
Jeffrey Price: You'll either know or you won't.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

[heading upstairs to The Factory, J and K pass two models]
Young Agent K: For such an ungainly species, they've really thrived here on Earth.
Agent J: Yeah, I was an agent for three years before I realized all models were aliens. Found out the hard way...

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Mom: [J has gone to K's apartment] Can I help you?
Agent J: Uh... K?
Mom: 5K.
Agent J: I'm sorry, is that chocolate milk?
[Jay takes a cup of chocolate milk from the daughter and drinks it]
Little Chocolate Milk Girl: Mommy, the President is drinking my milk.
Agent

J: [Handing the empty cup back] I'm sorry.
Little Chocolate Milk Girl: He didn't say please.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Griffin: Oh, dear. I forgot about this part...
[gets captured by Boris]

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

[from trailer]
Agent J: Who are we?
Agent K: We are no-one. Our mission is to monitor extraterrestrial activity on Earth.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Agent O: Somehow history has been rewritten. There has to be a reason this is happening, and K seems to be in the center of it.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

[arriving in 1969]
Boris The Animal: I feel younger already.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Boris The Animal: Let's rewrite history, shall we, K?

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

[facing a squad of prison guards]
Boris The Animal: It's cold in here. Mind if I open a window?
[blasts a hole in the prison wall, causing a vortex]

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Boris The Animal: [to K] You don't know it, but you are already dead!

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Andy Warhol: K, you've got to fake my death. I can't listen to sitar music anymore!
Young Agent K: All right, I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to X.
[leaves]
Andy Warhol: K, I can't tell the women from the men!

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Agent K: There are things out there you don't need to know about.
Agent J: That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me!
Agent K: I promised the secrets of the universe, nothing more.
Agent J: [on phone] Well, what other secrets are there?
Agent K: Don't ask questions you don't

want to know the answer to.