Meet the Fockers Quotes

Dina Byrnes: Oh, Jack, isn't it wonderful? The kids are *finally* getting married?
Jack Byrnes: [about Little Jack] Wait a second; I think he spoke!
[pushes Dina aside]
Jack Byrnes: Little Jack! Were you about to speak?
[Little Jack passes gas]
Jack Byrnes: It's nothing, just a little flatulence.

What were you saying, Dina?

Roz Focker: How are things with you and Pam?
Greg Focker: They're great.
Roz Focker: They're great? Because after two years you have to work to keep things going. Does she still climax regularly?
Greg Focker: Mom, you can't talk that way this weekend, okay?
Roz Focker: Honey, I'm just

saying I didn't raise you to be a so-so lover.

Greg Focker: And do you talk yet, Mr. Munchkinhead?
[makes baby noises at Little Jack]
Jack Byrnes: Greg, Greg, Greg. Don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult.
Dina Byrnes: Muskrat.
Jack Byrnes: Huh?
Dina Byrnes: Muskrat, Jack.
Jack Byrnes: Oh

right.
[to Greg]
Jack Byrnes: Just try to understand, he's a little person. His communication skills aren't verbal yet, but he understands.

Roz Focker: [about Greg's circumcision ceremony] See that's Greg getting circumcised.
Bernie Focker: We had the ceremony at my parents' house. There was a cold snap and the heat conked out. Tell it.
Roz Focker: The heater conked out. No matter how hard he tried, the mohel couldn't coax Greggie's tiny little turtle from it's shell.

Greg Focker: You know what, let's not talk about the tiny turtle.

Jack Byrnes: Officer, do you mind telling me why you're arresting these men?
Officer LeFlore: Oh, mercy. It just gets better and better. This is none of your business, looky-loo!
Jack Byrnes: At ease, son. Put down the taser.
[pulls ID out]
Jack Byrnes: Jack Byrnes, C.I.A.
Officer

LeFlore: C.I... what?
[looks at the ID]
Officer LeFlore: It says here you're retired. What are you gonna show me next, your AARP card.
Jack Byrnes: Now you listen to me, and you listen good...
Bernie Focker: What's he doing?
Greg Focker: Don't worry, he's going to get us out of this.

Jack Byrnes: You have no right to...
Officer LeFlore: Stand down, sir!
Jack Byrnes: No, I will not stand, you will stand down!
Officer LeFlore: I will not stand down!
Jack Byrnes: Oh, you will stand down or you will be walking a beat at a retirement home in Boyton Beach...

Officer LeFlore: [shoots Jack in the chest with the taser, Jack starts shaking] Remain calm!

[first lines]
Gunther - Immigrant Man: You must do something! Baby's coming!
Greg Focker: Yes, I know baby's coming. Miss, you have to stay calm and take deep breaths, okay?
[to an admitting nurse named Myra]
Greg Focker: Myra! I need a doctor here right now!
Admitting Nurse: I'm working on it!

Venka - Immigrant Woman: You're not doctor?
Greg Focker: No, I'm a nurse.
Gunther - Immigrant Man: You're a man and you're a nurse?
Venka - Immigrant Woman: What kind of man is nurse?
Greg Focker: Look, folks. I'm a professional, okay? I know exactly what I'm doing. So, just

trust me. Everything's gonna be fine, all right? Yeah... Yeah, you're fully dilated.
[turns back to her]
Greg Focker: Hey! I need that doctor right now!
Admitting Nurse: There are no free doctors! Nurse, you're gonna have to deliver that baby yourself.
Gunther - Immigrant Man: [sees that the baby's head] I can see a

head!
[He turns to her]
Greg Focker: Holy shit.
[He comes to her and see the baby's head. Venka screaming]

[Jack and Bernie are arrived at home, looked at Little Jack holding the rum bottle with his glue hands, watching the movie Scarface on TV, shocked]
Bernie Focker: There's someone you don't see every day.
[Moses began to humping on Jinx's back]
Jack Byrnes: Focker! Focker!
[Greg enters with wearing moose antlers and a breast]

Greg Focker: Okay. I know this is bad. But, I can explain.
Jack Byrnes: What the hell happened? I said no monkey business!
[Little Jack began to crying]
Greg Focker: No! There's no monkey business.
Jack Byrnes: No monkey business? You're wearing my breast!
[Moses barking at Jinx, he gets off his

back, Jinx hissing at Moses]
Jack Byrnes: Little Jack is drinking, Moses is sodomizing Jinx and you're telling me there's no monkey business? What is going on here?
[turns to Little Jack]
Jack Byrnes: Are you all right, LJ?
[Roz, Pam and Dina enters home]
Roz Focker: Hello, we're home! Hey, guys!

Jack Byrnes: [grabbing the rum bottle] Give me the bottle. Give me the bottle.
Pam Byrnes: Oh, my god. What happened to Little Jack?
Bernie Focker: Looks like his hands has stuck in the bottle of rum.
Greg Focker: Thank you, dad.
Jack Byrnes: You bet, they're stuck.
Pam

Byrnes: Greg? How did this happen?
[sees his wearing antlers]
Pam Byrnes: And why are you antlers?
Greg Focker: [takes his antlers off] It's... very complicated.
Roz Focker: [sees the glue] It's just a little glue, he's fine.
Jack Byrnes: He's not fine! If he could use of his hands,

he'll tell you by himself!
[to Little Jack]
Jack Byrnes: All right, that's all right. Come on.
[Little Jack continues crying]
Pam Byrnes: Oh, Little Jack. Honey, are you okay? Greg?
Jack Byrnes: Dina, Pam?
Dina Byrnes: Yes, dad. I'm coming.
Pam Byrnes: Little Jack?

Roz Focker: [to Greg] Honey, I said a thimble. Not a bottle.