[Fletcher witnesses a kiss of greeting between his ex-wife and Jerry]
Fletcher: Wow! That was a nice image...
[makes typing noise]
Fletcher: *Deleted*!
Fletcher: Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a nine-hundred-dollar suit!
Max Reede: If I keep making this face... will it get stuck that way?
Fletcher: Nuh-uh. As a matter of fact, some people make a very good living that way.
Fletcher: Audrey, great news! Both my legs are broken so they can't take me right to jail.
Fletcher: Max! It's 8:45, you made the wish at 8:15. I've been able to lie for the past half hour.
Max Reede: So you were - ?
Fletcher: No! It was the truth. I just wanted to be honest with you, Max. I always want to be honest with you.
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, I'm tired and very cranky!
Dana: You wanna play hardball? I'm game.
Fletcher: [mockingly] Wanna play hardball? I'm game.
Fletcher: [having been charged a huge amount to get his car back. He reaches for an air freshener] I'm taking this!
Fletcher: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
Audrey: Do you know what your son was doing at 8:15 last night?
Fletcher: No?
Audrey: He was making a wish that for a whole day, his father couldn't tell a lie.
Fletcher: [Realizing] Oh, my God, that's it!
[the court erupts]
Judge Stevens: Order! Order! ORDER!
Fletcher: [to crowd] Knock it off!
Judge Stevens: SIT DOWN!
Fletcher: Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I *object*, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!
Fletcher: Where would Tina Turner be right now if she'd rolled over and said, "Hit me again, Ike, and put some stank on it!"? Rollin' on the river, that's where she'd be. But she's beyond Thunderdome, because she decided to send a message?
[yells]
Fletcher: Wake up, sisters! There is nooooooo such thing as a weaker sex!
Samantha: I want my money. I am not going to end up a 31-year-old divorcée on welfare because my scumbag attorney had a sudden attack of conscience.
Fletcher: 31?
Fletcher: Why don't you go play in the office a minute. Sue someone for everything they've got. Maybe you send a fax to one of your girlfriends!
