Kick-Ass Quotes

Damon Macready: So... Have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?
Mindy Macready: Can I get a puppy?
Damon Macready: [surprised] You wanna get a dog?
Mindy Macready: Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one, and a Bratz movie-star make over Sasha!
[Damon is stunned]
Mindy Macready: [laughs] I'm just fucking with

you Daddy! Look, I'd love a Benchmade model 42 butterfly knife.
Damon Macready: [relieved] Oh, child... You always knock me for a loop!

[first lines]
Dave Lizewski: I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books, movies, TV shows. You think that one eccentric loner would've made himself a costume. I mean, is everyday life really so exciting? Are schools and offices so thrilling that I'm the only one who fantasized about this? Come on, be honest with yourself. At some point in

our lives we all wanna be a superhero.
Dave Lizewski: That's not me,by the way. That's some Armenia guy with a history of mental health problems.

Mindy Macready: Daddy? I'm scared.
Damon Macready: Come on, Mindy, honey? Be a big girl now. There's nothing to be afraid of.
Mindy Macready: Is it gonna hurt bad?
Damon Macready: Aww, child. Only for a second, sugar.
Damon Macready: [testing her] A handgun bullet travels at? More than?
Mindy Macready: [rolls

eyes] 700 miles an hour.
Damon Macready: 700 miles an hour. So at close range like this, the force is gonna take you off your feet for sure, but it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest.
Mindy Macready: [mumbles to herself] I hate getting punched in the chest.
Damon Macready: [cocks gun] You're gonna be fine, baby doll!
[he

aims and fires, hitting her squarely in the chest. She goes flying off her feet, landing on her back]
Damon Macready: [walking up to her as she pulls the bullet out of her bullet-proof vest hidden underneath her jacket] How was that? Not so bad. Kinda fun, huh? Now you know how it feels. You won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a glock.
Mindy Macready:

[smiling] I wouldn't have been scared anyways!
Damon Macready: That's my girl.
[helping her up]
Damon Macready: Alright, up you get. Two more rounds and then home.
Mindy Macready: Again?
Damon Macready: Uh-huh.
Mindy Macready: Look, only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back.

Damon Macready: The bowling alley?
Mindy Macready: Yeah, and ice cream after!
Damon Macready: [thinking about it for a second] Huh... okay. Two more rounds. No wincing... No whining! And you got yourself a deal, young lady.
Mindy Macready: Yeah! I'm gonna get a hot fudge sundae!
Damon Macready: Good call, baby doll!

[shoots her again]

Dave Lizewski: That's not me, by the way. That's some Armenian dude with a history of mental health problems. Who am I? I'm kick ass!
[six months earlier]
Dave Lizewski: That's me. Back before any of this crazy shit happened. I guess I'm the last person you'd expect to become a superhero. I'm not saying there was anything wrong with me, but there was

nothing special, either. I wasn't into sports, I wasn't a mathlete or a hardcore gamer. I didn't have a piercing, or an eating disorder, or 3000 friends on MySpace. My only superpower was being invisible to girls. And out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one. Like most people my age, I just existed.

[last lines]
Dave Lizewski: [voiceover] Kick-Ass was gone but not forgotten. And my world was a lot safer with the new generation of superheroes. They said I was their inspiration. But all I did was open a door to a world I'd dreamed about since I was a little kid.
[cut to Chris/Red Mist in his father's office]
Chris D'Amico: A world full of

superheroes, eh?
[Chris turns around, showing his revamped Red Mist costume, and dons a new, decidedly more 'supervillain' mask]
Chris D'Amico: As a great man once said... wait 'til they get a load of me.

Big Daddy: Good job. I'm so proud of you, baby doll. Are you okay?
Hit Girl: Mhmm... but getting shot, Daddy... it hurt a lot more than when you did it.
Big Daddy: That's because I used low velocity rounds, child... he... he...
Hit Girl: You're the kindest Daddy in the whole world.
Big Daddy: No, I just... I love you...

Hit Girl: I love you, too, Daddy... I love you, too, Daddy. Sleep tight.