Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

[Willenholly and the Utah police confront Jay and Silent Bob]
Sheriff: Are you fucking crazy? Now they may be gay, but that's not their son. That's the ape.
Whillenholly: I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is the political fiasco I'm about to avoid here by letting this butt-fucking Brady

Bunch go.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Customer at Quick Stop: Are you even supposed to be here today?
Dante Hicks: Don't get me started.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Chaka's Production Assistant: You the man.
Chaka Luther King: No, you the man, and that's the problem.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Chaka: This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2.
Chaka's Production Assistant: Or House Party 3.
Chaka: Shut the fuck up!

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Chaka: Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay: Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Randal Graves: See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldn't have cancelled us.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

[James Van Der Beek and Jason Biggs are being arrested by mistake]
James Van Der Beek: You've got the wrong guys! Doesn't anyone watch the WB?
Jason Biggs: I'm a teen idol, dammit! Don't you recognize me? Look at me. I'm the pie fucker.
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: [to his buddies] Yeah, well. In prison, he'll be the

pie.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay: So all we's gotta do is stop this fuckin' movie from getting made!
Holden: Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars you would be entitled to in the process. What are you, fucking retarded? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and

Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?
[Holden, Jay, and Bob look into the camera]

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Chaka: Do you know that I came up with the idea for Sesame Street? I came up with it before PBS. The white man stole it. That's right. I was gonna call it "N.W.P." - Niggaz With Puppets. Catchy, ain't it?

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Willenholly: Oh my God. I'm paralyzed! That monkey shot me in the ass and paralyzed me! Oh sweet irony!
Justice: You're not paralyzed. It was just a tranquilizer.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay: Just call me Darth Balls... Bong.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Whillenholly: Remember, folks... stimulation of the C.L.I.T is not recommended.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

[to a customer at his comic shop, bending a comic's spine]
Brodie: It is a comic book, not your dick! Show some respect. Hold it like you'd hold a woman.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

[Silent Bob gets stuck in an open sewer pipe]
Jay: Just like Winnie the Pooh.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Brodie: Oh my God. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for.
Jay: What? Since when?
Brodie: See, here's the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Teen #1: Jay says you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding, and you tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers.
Teen #2: Yeah, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch.
Dante Hicks: I'm the BITCH?
Randal Graves: Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it.
Dante

Hicks: Will you shut up!
Teen #1: [to Teen #2] Holy shit, dude. The honeymoon's over.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay: It's a Miramax flick. We gotta bust up some people who were calling us names on the internet, even thought they're not really talking about us but characters based on us, and at the same time find my ex-girlfriend-who-was-killed-by-a-car-explosion's monkey.
Pumpkin Escobar: Man... I don't know what the FUCK you just said, Little Kid, but you're special

man, you reached out, and you touch a brother's heart.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay: Hey, lawdog.
Whillenholly: [Willenholly realizes Jay & Silent Bob didn't jump] Hey!
Jay: See you in hell, cocksmoker!
Whillenholly: Aww, Fuck Meeeee!.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

[first lines]
Silent Bob's Mother: Bobby Boy, stay here while mommy picks up the free cheese, kay? Here, this will keep the sun out of your eyes.
[puts a baseball cap on his head backwards]
Silent Bob's Mother: You be good, now.
[walks in store, then Jay and his Mom arrive]
Jay's Mother: Alright, don't you

fuckin' move you little shit machine. Your Momma's going to try to score.
Passerby: What the hell? 'Scuse me. Who's watching these babies?
Jay's Mother: Uh... the fat one's watchin the little one?
Passerby: Oh yeah, nice parenting. Leave 'em out here like that and see what happens.
Jay's Mother: YO,

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SQUARE!
Passerby: Oh yeah, keep on truckin'!
Jay's Mother: [to infant Jay] Did ya hear that fuckin' guy tellin' me how to fuckin' raise ya? What a motherfucker, man! Who the fuck does that fuckin' guy think he is? What's the worst fuckin' thing that can fuckin' happen to ya just standing outside a fuckin' store, right? Fuck!

[Jay's mother walks into the record store, leaving infant Jay and Silent Bob in their strollers]
Baby Jay: [his first words] Fuck... fuck... fuck... fuck...