When I was living in New York, I tried to make it work for a year, but I didn't really have my own space to be creative. It was really inspiring, but I think that coming to L.A. has allowed me to take a breath.
I'm starting to develop my practice, learning how to come home after a really long day of shooting and letting myself breathe. I'm drawing and painting and listening to my music and keeping those things separate.
I feel less pressure to dress for the eyes of other people now. I think that happened once I started modelling, near the end of high school.
My plan was to model and pay the rent and then intern with designers and work on the other side of the industry however I could, but then it just got to be too much, especially with casting, fashion week, and also working for a fashion designer.
That year of modeling, I grew up a lot - I was alone in New York and just grinding and making it work, and I feel it kind of prepared me for the responsibilities of being an actor alone in L.A. and taking care of yourself.
What I'm trying to do in all senses is deconstruct our idea of gender and use the privileges that come with looking like a model to bring attention to that.
Modeling for a year taught me a lot. I got very involved in the fashion industry and met a bunch of people who I admired.
I know, for myself, I have a very distinct style, and I know what I like, and I know what I don't like. But it has been a process of learning how to cater to the different events that happen with Hollywood and how you might want to dress for red carpet and what things photograph well.
I don't really go out in L.A., but when I have, I usually keep it pretty dressed down. I've gone clubbing in an oversized t-shirt and my Dr. Martens and little tiny shorts, and that's felt good for the night.
In a lot of ways, the cool thing about modeling is that other people and artists I look up to are able to project their artistic visions onto me, and it was really exciting to be a muse in that way and carry out a vision.
