Calliope: We are the Muses, goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes.
Terpsichore: Heroes like Hercules.
Thalia: Honey, you mean "Hunk-ules!" Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him.
Calliope: Our story actually begins long before Hercules was born, many eons ago.
Meg: He comes on with his big, innocent farm boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.
Hades: Zeusy, I'm home!
Zeus: Hades, you are behind THIS?
Hades: You are correct, sir!
Meg: Think your nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?
Hercules: Oh gee, I don't know. Phil has the rest of the day pretty much booked.
Meg: Aw, Phil, Schmil. Just follow me, out the window, round the dumbells, you lift up the back wall and we're gone.
Zeus: You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death!
[all laugh]
Zeus: Oh, I kill myself!
Hades: [to himself] If only. If only.
Phil: [training Hercules in knife-throwing] Rule number 95, kid: concentrate.
[Hercules misses the targets and pins Phil against the wall with his knives]
Phil: Rule number 96: aim!
Hades: [at the the Olympus birthday party] How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat.
[silence]
Hades: So is this an audience or a mosaic?
Hades: It's a small underworld, after all, huh?
Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah. I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?
[singing about Hercules's fame and success]
Thalia: They slapped his face on every vase.
[Terpsichore hits her in the head]
Terpsichore: On every *vah*se.
Hercules: Uh, uh, uh, I'm, um, uh, uh, uh...
Meg: Are you always this articulate?
Hercules: Hercules. My... my name is Hercules.
Meg: Herc... huh. I think I prefer Wonder Boy.
Meg: [singing] Ohhhhh, at least out loud I won't say I'm in love.
Hades: Pain. Panic. Got a little riddle for ya. How do you kill a god?
Pain: [sounds assertive at first] I do not... know.
Panic: You can't... they're immortal?
Hades: Bingo, they're immortal. So the first thing we gotta do is make the little sunspot... mortal.
Hades: If I say I want Wonder Boy's head on a platter, you say...?
Meg: [without much enthusiasm] Medium or well done?
Hades: [after taking Hercules' powers away] You might feel just a little queasy. It's kinda natural. Maybe you should... sit down!
[Knocks Hercules down with dumbells]
Hades: Now you now how it feels to be like everyone else. Isn't it just peachy?
Meg: [after Hercules accidentally breaks the arms off a statue of Venus] It looks better that way. No, it really does.
