Hercules
Hercules

[Hercules has been trying to kill the hydra, which now has umpteen heads]
Phil: Will you forget the head-slicing thing?

Hercules
Hercules

Meg: [singing] If there's a prize for rotten judgment/ I guess I've already won that/ No man is worth the aggravation/ That's ancient history, been there, done that!

Hercules
Hercules

The Fates: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely.
Hades: Ay, verse. Oy.
The Fates: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.
Hades: Mmm-hmm. Good, good.
The Fates: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will

rule all!
Hades: YES! Hades rules!
The Fates: But a word of caution to this tale...
Hades: Excuse me?
The Fates: Should Hercules fight, you will fail.
[they laugh and disappear]
Hades: WHAAAT?... Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine.

Hercules
Hercules

Hades: Ladies. Hah. I am so sorry that I'm...
The Fates, The Fates, The Fates: Late.
The Fates: We knew you would be.
The Fates: We know everything.
The Fates: Past.
The Fates: Present.
The

Fates: And future.
The Fates: [aside, to Pain] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.
Hades: Right, anyway ladies, I was at this party and I lost all track of ti...
The Fates, The Fates, The Fates: We know!
Hades: I KNOW, you know. Anyway, Zeus... Mr.

High and Mighty, Mr. "Hey You Get Off Of My Cloud", now he has...
The Fates: A bouncing baby brat!
The Fates, The Fates, The Fates: WE KNOW!
Hades: I KNOW YOU KNOW! I got it, I got the concept!

Hercules
Hercules

[Pegasus blows the flames off Hades' head]
Hades: Whoa. Is my hair out?

Hercules
Hercules

Hercules: You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
Hades: Hmm. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
Hercules: Going once...
Hades: Is there a downside to this?
Hercules: Going twice...
Hades: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. You get

her out. She goes, you stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Megara]
Hades: Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?

Hercules
Hercules

Meg: Is Wonder Boy here for real?
Phil: What are you talkin' about? Of course he's real.
[gets a proper look at her]
Phil: Whoa! And by the way, sweet cheeks... I'm real, too.

Hercules
Hercules

Hades: We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What do you say? Come on.

Hercules
Hercules

Phil: I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. Alotayusses! And every one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance. And then, there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all: the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! BUT THAT FORSLUGGINER HEEL OF HIS! He barely

gets nicked there once, and kaboom! He's history. Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great, the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right... Ah, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment.

Hercules
Hercules

Hercules: But, Father, I've defeated every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm... I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm... I-I'm an action figure!

Hercules
Hercules

Hades: Pain!
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
Hades: Panic!
Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]
Pain: Pain - Ow!
Panic: And Panic -

eechk!
Pain, Panic: ...reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive.
Panic: Oh, they're here!
Hades: [shouting] WHAT? The Fates were here and you didn't tell me?
Pain, Panic: [grovel] We are

worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain, Panic: Worthless worms!
Hades: Memo to me, Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.

Hercules
Hercules

Hades: I'm sorry. You mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something...
Meg: Then read my lips - forget it!
Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial, little tiny detail?
[Hades explodes into flames]

Hades: I OWN YOU!

Hercules
Hercules

Hades: Name's Hades, Lord of the dead. Hi, how ya doin'?

Hercules
Hercules

Hades: Hercules, stop! You can't do this to me, you can't...
[Hercules punches Hades in the face]
Hades: Fine, okay, well I deserved that.

Hercules
Hercules

[his only line, with his last breath]
Tydeus: [to Hercules] Hercules...
[Tydeus dies]

Hercules
Hercules

Meg: Thanks for everything, Herc. It's been a real slice.

Hercules
Hercules

Zeus: Aw, Hades, don't be such a stiff. Join the celebration.
Hades: Love to, Babe. But unlike you gods lounging about up here, I regretfully have a full-time job that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. So, can't. Love to, but can't.

Hercules
Hercules

Hades: [after credits] What d'ya say? It's happy ending time! Everybody's got a little taste of somethin'm but me! I got nothin'! I'm, I'm here with nothin'! Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm... What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, it's me! Nobody listens.

Hercules
Hercules

[after Pain and Panic, disguised as children, are rescued by Hercules]
Hades: Stirring performance, boys. I was really moved.
Panic: "Jeepers, Mister"?
Pain: I was going for innocence.

Hercules
Hercules

Meg: Wonder Boy's fielding every curve ball you throw at him.
Hades: [simpers] Oh, yeah. Well, maybe I haven't been throwing the right curves at him, Meg my sweet.
Meg: Don't even go there.
Hades: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for Pandora, it was the box thing. And for

the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? All we have to do is find out Wonder Boy's weakness.
Meg: I've done my part. Get your little imps...
Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need somebody who can... handle him as a man.
Meg: Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.
Hades: Well, you

know, that's good. Because that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me, to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg?
Meg: Look, I learned my lesson, okay?
Hades: [hands her a Hercules urn] Which is exactly why I got a

feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath, and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos: your freedom.
[Meg drops the urn]