Kenny: When it comes to feeling good, I'd rate pissin' right up there with comin'and shittin'.
Travis: I like to do all three.
[last lines]
Kumar Patel: Ladies and Roldy, how would you like to get really fucking high since we're in Amsterdam?
Vanessa: Yeah.
Harold Lee: Shall we?
Maria: Sounds like a plan.
Kumar Patel, Harold Lee: Let's do it!
Kumar Patel: [at a KKK bonfire] You guys wanna hear something fucked up and awesome? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick!
Harold Lee: [whispering to Kumar] You did that?
George W. Bush: Shit. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys. Keep quiet. Follow me.
Kumar Patel: [after being pissed on by a Klansman] You fucking pissed on me you racist fuck!
Kumar Patel: Look how cute this deer is, dude. Not like those asshole deer in New Jersey.
Neil Patrick Harris: [Absolute last line of movie; back at the brothel, he gets up slowly after having been shot supposedly to death by the owner earlier in the film] Mother-fucker!
Kumar Patel: [Admiring one of his own turds floating in the bowl] Dude, this thing is huge! I think it still has cheese on it!
