Harold Lee: Is that a KKK bonfire?
Kumar Patel: Yeah, I think it is.
Harold Lee: Maybe we should get the fuck out of here.
Grand Wizard: [upon hearing noise] What the nigger was that?
Kumar Patel: What are you doing here, man?
Neil Patrick Harris: This is where God took me.
Kumar Patel: I thought you were joking when you said that you have an inbred son who lives in your basement?
Raymus: Well it ain't a joke! Raylene and I here are siblings. And we get it on. But that don't mean we oughtta be judged!
Kumar Patel: I have this fantasy...
Vanessa: What is it?
Kumar Patel: I thought it would be kind of cool to bring someone else in bed with us?
Vanessa: Who?
Kumar Patel: [calling out] Hey baby.
[giant bag of weed enters bedroom]
Kumar Patel: Thanks for stopping.
Neil Patrick Harris: [turning around] No problem.
Harold Lee: Neil?
Neil Patrick Harris: Gary and Kumar!
Harold Lee: Can you focus on the driving? Focus on the road. You've had dozens of shrooms, my friend.
Neil Patrick Harris: Uh, dude, I was able to perform an apendectomy at age 14. I think I can handle a couple of mushrooms.
Kumar Patel: Wasn't that just the TV show?
Colton: Look, I know things can be hectic with the wedding, but you know if you get stressed out, just do what I do. Snort Zoloft, okay?
Dr. Beecher: [holding Fox at gunpoint] It's people like you that make the world think that Americans are stupid! I'm not stupid! I'm not gonna take this shit anymore!
Kumar Patel: [after jumping out of airplane] Oh man, that was so fucking extreme!
Harold Lee: If you like weed so much, why don't you just legalize it?
George W. Bush: Are you fucking kidding me? You know how pissed off my dad would get if I did that?
Ron Fox: Neil... Patrick... Harris.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yo.
Ron Fox: It is an honor to meet you, sir.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, I would imagine so.
Harold Lee: We gotta get Neil!
Kumar Patel: Why?
Harold Lee: We're stealing his car! We can't leave him back there!
Kumar Patel: He stole your fucking car last week!
Kumar Patel: [to Vanessa] Look, I can't promise you the kind of lifestyle that Colton could. I can't promise you that I'll mature over night. But what I can promise you is...
[crowd leans in to listen intently]
Kumar Patel: [after a long pause] Sorry, I smoked weed with the president and I totally forgot what I was going to say.
Harold Lee: [while Harold and Kumar are parachuting] Kumar... our dicks are touching, aren't they?
Harold Lee: Quiet, Anus.
