It's better to waste money, than it is to waste time. You can always get more money.
Political and social change is always a stagger-step process. One step forward, two steps back. They want you to give up.
If I could sew comedy and philosophy together, then I've done a good job. The primary goal is always going to be laughs and the secondary goal is always going to be saying something without it being a lecture.
Anyone who still supports George Bush would still let Michael Jackson babysit their kids.
Truth be told, ginormous portions have become a pet peeve of mine.
Other kids would sneak out of the house to go to parties and do untoward things. I was sneaking out to do standup downtown. It paid off.
Growing up in Kentucky, I used to hang out with four running buddies as a kid - 6, 10, and 11 years old. Two of them would later come out, and so 50 percent of my friends as a kid were gay.
I'm as heterosexual as any person need be. I'm open about my relationships - or lack thereof - in my own life, because I want to make the case that gay isn't contagious. It's not something that you can catch or learn or choose.
If you are for freedom and equal rights, which we hear a lot of talk about these days, then you have to include the LGBTQ community in that. And if you're not willing to put your time where your mouth is, then I don't know quite what you mean by commitment in your life.
I try to be as ignorant about things as I can.
It's better to waste money than time. You can always get more money.
If I could sew comedy and philosophy together, then I've done a good job. The primary goal is always going to be laughs and the secondary goal is always going to be saying something without it being a lecture. I think it's important to have substance for what you're saying.
I'm a futurist. Technology is our way out of almost every problem we have. Technology can create a new sense of community.
If 'Airplane!' comes on, it's like a comfort film. You can always guarantee a laugh watching that movie.
Jerry Springer' is just kind of the chubby, redneck version of throwing Christians to the lions.
'Cold Case Files' and similar shows do bang up business, which points to a certain thirst for details in the viewership, but it seems like all the news chat shows continue to force the myth that Americans can't stand detail and have no interest in an idea that can't fit on a bumper sticker.
Sometimes I play guitar like a frustrated drummer.
You'd think after 8 years of things called 'The Patriot Act' and 'No Child Left Behind' they would know that we have figured out the 'Call it what it ain't' PR ploy by now, but... um... no.
If you take anything I say with any seriousness whatsoever, go study Yang style tai chi. It will make you live longer.
Vegas has the Whitman's Sampler of audiences. They come from all different places, so you have to do some crowd psychology. You have to find the heartbeat of the room. It doesn't shift my jokes, but it shifts my timing and my attention.
