117 Garden State Quotes (2026) #3

Garden State

Carol: Mark, he's a knight.
Mark: He's just a fast food knight.

Garden State

Sam: This is the point in the conversation where you offer me a ride home.
Andrew Largeman: It is?
Sam: Yeah.
Andrew Largeman: Would you like a ride home?
Sam: ...Fine. But I'm not riding in that sidecar.
Andrew Largeman: Why not?
Sam:

Sidecars are for bitches. Anyone who rides in one is automatically your bitch. Thus I will ride on the back.

Garden State

[last lines]
Andrew Largeman: So what do we do? What do we do?

Garden State

Diego: Who just saw some titties?
[Mark, Largeman and Sam raise their hands tentatively]
Diego: Ok. Now everybody calm the fuck down!

Garden State

Kelly: Well, we just ate all this fucking 'X', so what the hell else are we supposed to do?
Jesse: The woman has a point.

Garden State

Andrew Largeman: So how do people know what's real?
Sam: Well, I always feel bad afterwards and admit them when they're lies. Can you trust that?

Garden State

Kenny: Put your hands on your head, please.
Andrew Largeman: What?
Kenny: I said to put your motherfucking hands on your head.
[slams car door]
Kenny: Please. Eighty in a twenty-five. What are you going to tell me, you were late or you're just tired?
Andrew Largeman: I was?

Kenny: Shut the fuck up!

Garden State

Mark: How about some fucking furniture, man?
Jesse: I bought a chair, but I didn't like it.
Sam: Where is it?
Jesse: [indicating the fireplace] It's keeping us warm.

Garden State

Andrew Largeman: There's a handful of normal kid things I kinda missed.
Sam: There's a handful of normal kid things I kinda wish I'd missed.

Garden State

Sam: We're not gonna make out or anything, okay?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry. I just totally ruined that moment, didn't I?

Garden State

Sam: I have three Dobermans, and if I didn't kick them in the balls on a regular basis, I'd never get anything done.

Garden State

Sam: This is Tickle.
Andrew Largeman: What is Tickle?
Sam: Tickle's my favorite thing in the whole world. It's all that's left of Nanny, my blanket.
Andrew Largeman: Tickle is all that remains. Was there a hurricane or something?
Sam: Shut up! No, I mean, I've had this since I was a

baby. It's what they brought me home in from the hospital.

Garden State

Andrew Largeman: What could be ruder than talking about someone else who died when you're in the act of burying a close friend?
Sam: Well, what should we do?
Andrew Largeman: I don't know. I've only been to one of these things. You appear to be the expert.
Sam: We usually say something.
Andrew

Largeman: Okay, I'll go first. Didn't really know you, Jelly. From what I hear you were a really good pet. A little trouble with the wheel.
Sam: [interrupts] That's not funny.
[pauses]
Sam: Jelly, you were a great pet. I'm sorry I forgot to take the wheel out of your cage. I'm so, so sorry about that. Goodbye. I hope that you liked

me.

Garden State

[singing at Andrew's mother's funeral]
Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Thanks for the time that you've given me. The memories are all in my mind. And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow, there's something I must say out loud. Yes, you're once, twice, three times a lady. I love you. Yes, you're once, twice, three times a lady. I love you. I love you.

Garden State

Andrew Largeman: My mom just died. God, it's weird to say it out loud, but... my mom just died.

Garden State

Obnoxious Girl: I'll have a Ketel Cosmo, with Red Bull - and some bread ASAP.
Andrew Largeman: ...We don't have bread.
Obnoxious Girl: What do you mean you don't have bread, how can you not have bread?
Andrew Largeman: ...we're a Vietnamese restaurant... we just don't have bread.
Obnoxious

Girl: Well, you're not Vietnamese.
Andrew Largeman: ...No, I'm not.
Obnoxious Girl: Can I have something to chew on! Fuck, bamboo! Whatever!
Andrew Largeman: I'll see what I can find.

Garden State

Sam: So what are you here for?
Andrew Largeman: What are you here for?
Sam: Waiting for a friend, you?
Andrew Largeman: I uh...
Sam: Oh fuck, that was so nosy. I'm sorry, ack. I am. I am so nosy. I didn't I didn't mean to be. I am sorry.
Andrew Largeman: No, I

just get these headaches. I wanna have em checked out.
Sam: Cool

Garden State

Kenny: Speaking of which, how'd I do?
Andrew Largeman: You mean... as a cop?
Kenny: Yeah, you know, the whole,
[shouts]
Kenny: shut-the-fuck-up thing...
Andrew Largeman: Well, I thought you were a dick, so I guess that's good...
Kenny: [pumping his fist]