Garden State
Garden State

Sam: That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have.

Garden State
Garden State

Tim: [to Mark's mom, Carol] I had a lovely evening.
[to Andrew]
Tim: By the way, it says BALLS on your face.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: It's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter inch piece of plastic.

Garden State
Garden State

Aunt Sylvia Largeman: I made you something. It's a shirt.
Andrew Largeman: Thats... That's good, thank you.
Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Will you try it on now?
Andrew Largeman: Now?
Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Well, in case I have to fix it before you leave again and we don't see you for another

nine years. I wanna make sure it fits.

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: What?
Andrew Largeman: Uh, it's Titembay, right?
Sam: Yeah, it weird huh? You're like so freaked out right now. You're like running for the door. It's okay, you can go. Don't feel bad. It's really...
Andrew Largeman: [interrupts irritatingly] Stop doing that.
Sam: What?

Andrew Largeman: The whole thing you just did. I wanna be here. If I didn't I wouldn't be. Okay? Trust me, my family is way more fucked up than yours. Okay?
Sam: Okay.
Andrew Largeman: So... Titembay.
Sam: Yeah, he's my brother.
Andrew Largeman: Is he adopted?

Sam: Kind of. My mom adopted him from Sally Struthers, like, years ago. You know, one of those "for the cost of a cup of coffee a day" sort of things. Where she's like, "how can you just sit there and not help the children?" And we couldn't. We couldn't just sit there and not help the children. So we started sending him pictures and letters and stuff for years, but then I got

really into ice skating so we sort of forgot about him. Then one day we get this phone call and it's Titembay and he's at the dry cleaners around the corner. And he's like, "I'm at Rutgers, I live in the dorms, but I'm used to living with my tribe so I'd rather live with a family." He's been living with us ever since.
Andrew Largeman: Wow.
Sam: Yeah,

I know. He's the most amazing guy. You gotta hear some of his stories. He struggled through so much because he wanted to learn. When I think of what he's accomplished I just feel lazy, you know? He's studying Criminal Justice at Rutgers and when he was a baby he was one of those kids with flies all over his face.
Andrew Largeman: Wow.
[chuckles]
Andrew

Largeman: I mean, it's... it's a crazy story.
Sam: Yeah, I know. I mean that's a true story! I'm not that good.
[laughs]

Garden State
Garden State

Dr. Cohen: You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety. Uh, I found my ex-best friend's cufflinks in my wife's purse. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half. For example.
Andrew Largeman: Wow. Um, but I don't really think that's it...

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: You gotta hear this one song, it'll change your life I swear.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: I was the reason she was in a wheelchair. I pushed her. So there that is.
Sam: Shut up.
Mark: Fuck off.
Andrew Largeman: No, that's the truth.
Sam: Why?
Andrew Largeman: It was a complete freak accident, you know? It's one of those things you

replay a million times in your head and you see how clearly it was just a complete freak thing. My whole life she was depressed for no reason and, you know, one day... I was a little kid. I was nine years old and I just hated her for that. And I pushed her. And it was innocent! I was just completely frustrated because.
Sam: [interrupts] Because you couldn't make her happy?


Andrew Largeman: Yeah! Fuck yeah. And any other time, you know, any other day she would have just yelled at me and sent me to my room but this day. On this particular day the door of the dishwasher had fallen open. The latch was broken and it would just randomly fall open. That fucking latch. It's really amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter-inch

piece of plastic.
[pauses]
Andrew Largeman: So anyway, she fell back over the door and hit her neck on the kitchen counter paralyzing her from the waist down.
Sam: Wow.
Andrew Largeman: Still want to compare fucked up families?

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.

Garden State
Garden State

Mark: We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: We're not playing Spin the Bottle; how old are we? More importantly, how old are they?
Jesse: Oh, they're all legal. I think...

Garden State
Garden State

Dr. Cohen: Mister... Andrew Largeman?
Andrew Largeman: Yes?
Dr. Cohen: There's absolutely nothing wrong with you
Andrew Largeman: Really?
Dr. Cohen: Just kidding; how the hell would I know?

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.

Garden State
Garden State

Mark: Hey, vagina!
Andrew Largeman: Hey, what's up, guys? Uh, Sam, it's Mark, Dave, and you remember Jesse.
Jesse: Hey.
Sam: Hey.
Dave: What's up?
Mark: Hey, nice to meet you. I'm sorry I said vagina just now. I didn't know you were here.

Sam: Oh, that's okay.
Mark: Nice. Let's get fucked up.

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: Wow! I cannot believe you're not retarded!

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: What's the word that's burning in your heart?

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: Let's just talk about good stuff.
Sam: Good stuff?
Andrew Largeman: Yeah. Glass half full shit. What do you got?
Sam: I got a little buzz. I got that.
[laughs]
Sam: What you got?
Andrew Largeman: I got a little buzz going
[pauses]


Andrew Largeman: and I like you.
[Sam, embarassed, giggles]
Andrew Largeman: So there's that. I guess I have that.
Sam: I can tap-dance. You wanna see me tap-dance?
Andrew Largeman: I would love to see you tap-dance.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: Are you doing anything right now?
Sam: Can you elaborate on doing anything?
Andrew Largeman: I just know this guy Jesse who bought this mansion that's right up here and we wants me to come visit him, but I don't want to stay very long. So I was thinking if you came too I could just say I have to take you home when

I'm ready to go.
Sam: Wow. That's pretty damn random of you, Andrew. Nice to meet you. Can I use you?
Andrew Largeman: No.
Sam: Must be the Hollywood in you, I guess.
Andrew Largeman: No, come on, it's not like that. It will be fun. I'll tell you what, we could have a signal. Like when you pull on your

ear that's the code and then I'll be like, oh I gotta take her home. And then we'll go.
Sam: Can we have code names, too?
Andrew Largeman: If you want.
Sam: [thinks] Okay. But don't try and kidnap me or anything because my step-uncle is a bounty hunter and he could have you tracked and killed.
Andrew

Largeman: [laughing] You're such a liar.

Garden State
Garden State

Gideon Largeman: Saying goodbye is important. I'm glad you could fit it in.