George Simmons: All your jokes were about masturbating and farting.
Ira Wright: I can't believe you slept with her.
Mark: I gave you an extra 11 days.
Daisy: [Joining in the conversation] What are you guys talking about?
Ira Wright: Nothing, don't worry about it. Stupid guy stuff.
George Simmons: Don't cry, you're making a scene. Everyone will think I broke up with you.
Chuck: You're not funny. You look funny, but you're not funny.
George Simmons: Good news, Bonita. I went to the doctor today. He said I was doing better.
Bonita: That's good, Mr. Simmons. I found the pants you were looking for. They were in the closet.
Leo: I can't believe George Simmons is dying. I grew up on his movies.
George Simmons: Don't say chilling.
George Simmons: Don't say ASAP.
Ira Wright: Fuck Facebook in the face!
Chuck: Otto's my Lotto.
George Simmons: [at the end of song to comedy club audience] George Simmons soon will be gone, and he's not going to miss any of you people at all. We've always had a strained relationship. You always wanted too much from me, and I'm very mad at you.
George Simmons: My balls are for everyone.
George Simmons: You wanna fuck these girls?
James Taylor: I filled my quota in 1982, I believe.
Ira Wright: You'll never be happy 'cause you're always gonna be stuck with yourself! Unless somehow you can get away from you, you're always gonna be miserable, George.
George Simmons: The more money you make, the more free shit they give you. It makes no sense.
Dr. Lars: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
Clarke: [after having dinner with George Simmons] He's really funny! I don't know why his movies aren't funny though. That's weird isn't it?
Ira Wright: How does the softball team at MySpace work? Does everyone get picked last?
