Funny People Quotes

Ray Romano: [regarding George's illness] How did he know he had it?
Ira Wright: He said he was feeling dizzy and tired. So he went to the doctor, and it was in his blood work.
Ray Romano: That sucks, 'cause I get dizzy and tired. Anybody gets sick and I think I'm gonna get it. Is it contagious? It's not contagious, is it?

Ira Wright: No. No, I've been around him a lot. I feel fine.
Ray Romano: Okay, 'cause when you were talking, a little bit of your spit hit my lip. Not that you got it, but he spits on your lip, you spit on mine, and the next thing you know, I'm dead, and my wife's fucking George Lopez.

George Simmons: Am I not allowed to be happy or something? I've been living alone and alone and alone. That's my life. This is the only girl I've ever loved and I'm not supposed to do anything about this? When am I supposed to be happy? Why does everyone else get to be happy?
Ira Wright: Look, George, I'm just gonna tell you this, as a friend. From where

I'm sitting it seems like your happiness might be coming at the cost of destroying this family.

George Simmons: I can give you my fax number and my e-mail. What's your e-mail?
Ira Wright: My e-mail? It's... uh... [email protected].
George Simmons: Uh, Wow. I'm just... I'm starting to reconsider asking you.
Ira Wright: Don't do that. It's from high school. It was funny then.
George

Simmons: Yeah, you should change it.
Ira Wright: It's, like, 13 years old. Okay, I will.
George Simmons: I mean change it now.
Ira Wright: Okay, I'll change it, I'll change it ASAP.
George Simmons: Okay, don't say "ASAP," either. And don't say "I'm chilling" or "It's all good" or any of that

stuff.
Ira Wright: Okay, I don't. I don't chill anyway, so I won't. And it's not all good, so don't worry.

[Ira has gone to the airport to stop Laura speaking to Clarke before he flies to China, but he's too late]
Clarke: [spotting Ira] Ira!
Ira Wright: [pretending he just happens to be passing by] Hey!
Clarke: What are you doing here?
Ira Wright: I'm... I'm going... I'm going back to Los Angeles.

Clarke: LA?
Ira Wright: Yeah.
Clarke: You're in the Great China Air first class lounge, mate. What are you doing?
Ira Wright: Oh. Yeah. This is a confusing airport. I thought this was Panda Express.