Brandon: So what's with your new look? It's very whore couture.
Olive Penderghast: Oh, haven't you heard? I'm the new school slut.
Brandon: You know, I did hear something. I also heard he was twice your age.
Olive Penderghast: Oh, no no no no. He was a freshman in college.
Brandon: I
also heard he gave you crabs.
Olive Penderghast: Ew! People suck!
Brandon: Tell me about it.
Brandon: Just one good, imaginary boink!
Olive Penderghast: You are on crack! And not the good kind.
Brandon: It doesn't have to be a boink. It could be anything - it could be an imaginary butter-bean, lemon squeeze, cowbell...
Olive Penderghast: I don't know what any of that means.
Brandon: Well, that's because you're a virgin.
Olive Penderghast: People thought I was a dirty skank? Fine. I'd be the dirtiest skank they've ever seen.
Olive Penderghast: [to Evan, about their imaginary tryst] I want a one hundred dollar gift card deposited into my locker by noon tomorrow. Preferably to the Gap, but I'd also take Amazon.com, or Office Max. Actually, make it Office Max - I have my eye on a label maker. We did not have sex. I let you fondle my chest, and it was a glorious moment for you. Unmatched by anything you
have heretofore experienced... including cake.
Olive Penderghast: All I could think was, "Great, now I'm a tramp! I'll have to get a lower back tattoo and pierce something not on my face."
Olive Penderghast: I need to get my business in order before I drag you into it.
Woodchuck Todd: What if I told you I wanna be dragged into it? I could help, maybe.
Olive Penderghast: Why now? Why are you all of a sudden into me now?
Woodchuck Todd: I don't know. I haven't overanalyzed it, like you're about
to.
Brandon: You don't understand how hard it is, all right? Hmm? I'm tormented everyday at school. It's like I'm being suffocated, and sure we can sit and fantasize all we want about how things are going to be different one day, but this is today and it sucks... So please just help me. I can't take another day of this, I don't know what I'll do.
Olive Penderghast: So, here it is
[Holds up poster and reads]
Olive Penderghast: Part One: The Shudder-Inducing and Cliched, However Totally False Account Of How I Lost My Virginity To A Guy At A Community College.
Olive Penderghast: Which brings us to Part Two
[Hold up poster and reads]
Olive Penderghast: The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude. Which really is just my obnoxious way of saying lies travel fast. And, *boy*, did my Terminological Inexactitude accelerate with velocity.
Evan: Don't get mad, but Brandon told me what you did for him.
Olive Penderghast: [believes he's talking about sex] Ah, well, rest assured it was equally as thrilling for me.
[purrs]
Evan: No, he told me the truth.
[Olive looks at him]
Evan: I was just hoping that maybe you could do the same for
me?
Olive Penderghast: Goodbye, Evan.
[turns to go]
Evan: Wait! Wait, I can pay you!
Olive Penderghast: [faces him again] I am about six seconds away from slapping you so hard your *teeth* will bleed!
Evan: [excited] Can you do it in front of everyone?