Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an

80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

Easy A
Easy A

Chip: [to Olive] I like the pants.
Olive Penderghast: Thank you. They're Costco. You can have them when you get taller.
Chip: I'm never gonna go through puberty.
Rosemary: Course you will. But we're a family of late bloomers. I didn't until I was 14. Nor did Olive.
Chip: Why does that

matter? I'm adopted.
Dill: [pretending to be freaking out] What? Oh my God! Who told you? Guys, we were going to do this at the right time.

Easy A
Easy A

Brandon: Is there an Olive here?
Rosemary: There's a whole jar of them in the fridge!

Easy A
Easy A

[from trailer]
Marianne: There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.
Olive Penderghast: Tom Cruise?

Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: [to Brandon, who is freaking out, as she takes off her panties] Relax. Jesus. What is it with you gays? Are you really that repulsed by lady parts? What do you think I have down there? A gnome?

Easy A
Easy A

Nina: [spiteful] Perhaps you should embroider a red A on your wardrobe, you abominable tramp.
Olive Penderghast: Perhaps you should GET a wardrobe, you abominable twat.

Easy A
Easy A

Rosemary: Olive! There's a young man here to see you
[starts speaking in a Southern accent]
Rosemary: He said something about askin' for your hand in marriage!
Olive Penderghast: [Also speaking in a Southern accent] Oh, happy day, Mama! Oh, I thought I was gonna have to spend my dowry on booze and pills to numb the loneliness.

A gentleman caller, hurray!

Easy A
Easy A

Principal Gibbons: This is public school. If I can keep the girls off the pole and the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus.

Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: I might even lose my virginity to him. I don't know when it will happen. You know, maybe in five minutes, or tonight, or six months from now, or maybe on the night of our wedding. But the really amazing thing is, it is nobody's goddamn business.

Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: Don't you think it's a little strange that your boyfriend is 22 years old and still in high school?
Marianne: Not that it's any of your busniess, trollop, but he is here by choice.
Olive Penderghast: So it's his choice that he's a fourth year senior who can't pass any test he takes?

Marianne: No, silly,
[points up]
Marianne: His. His, with a capital H. If God wanted him to graduate, then God would have given him the right answers.
Olive Penderghast: [laughs] I'm sorry, but you gotta be shittin' me, woman.

Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: [Going to a Church] I was just wondering if there's a minster around?
[Woman looks at her funny]
Olive Penderghast: Is it not a minister?
Olive Penderghast: [Tries again] A reverend?
Olive Penderghast: A wizard?

Easy A
Easy A

Woodchuck Todd: Screw all these people, Olive!
Olive Penderghast: Haven't you heard? I already did.

Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: Ironically, we were studying "The Scarlet Letter", but isn't that always the way? The books you read in class always seem to have a strong connection with whatever angsty adolescent drama is being recounted. I consider this. Except for "Huckleberry Finn", 'cause I don't know any teenage boys who have ever run away with a big, hulking black guy.

Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: Do you have a religion section?
Bookstore guy: It's right over there. Can I help you with something?
Olive Penderghast: The Bible.
Bookstore guy: That's in bestsellers, right next to Twilight.

Easy A
Easy A

Olive Penderghast: What's your problem?
Rhiannon: You really want to know what my problem is?
Olive Penderghast: No, actually, that was a rhetorical question. I don't want to know anything from you.
Rhiannon: We are not friends anymore.
Olive Penderghast: Oh.

Rhiannon: We are officially over!
Olive Penderghast: OH RATS!
Rhiannon: Hey, I want my Juicy sweatshirt back! It's way too loose around your chest anyway!
Olive Penderghast: Ohhhhh, burn!

Easy A
Easy A

Marianne: I just hope for your sake you had the good sense to use protection.
Olive Penderghast: Why? Your parents didn't.

Easy A
Easy A

Rosemary: Not to mention how you have been dressing these past few days. No judgment, but you kind of look like a stripper.
Olive Penderghast: Mom!
Dill: [to Olive] A high-end stripper, for governors or athletes.

Easy A
Easy A

Mr. Griffith: I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?
Olive Penderghast: [Mocks interest] He got a Coke Zero AGAIN. Ah, that Roman. Incorrigible.

Easy A
Easy A

Rhiannon: Please tell me the rumors are true!
Olive Penderghast: Yes. Yes, I am a big fat slut.
Rhiannon: No, no! Not that one. The one where you got suspended for calling Nina Howell a dick and punched her in the left tit.
Olive Penderghast: I worry about the way information circulates at this school.

Easy A
Easy A

Dill: The family member of the week gets to pick the movie.
Olive Penderghast: [to Rosemary] You get family member of the week every week.
Rosemary: And there's a reason for that.
Olive Penderghast: Yeah, you pick family member of the week!
Rosemary: [with phony innocence] Are you

accusing me of nepotism?