Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Peter La Fleur: Don't worry so much about this Amber situation. It'll all work itself out in the end.
Justin: Thanks, Pete.
Peter La Fleur: You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing already.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: Tomorrow, we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo Gym bastards!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Dwight: I hope he falls off the roller coaster and breaks every bone in his body.
Kate Veatch: Nice Dwight.
Dwight: Hey I'm just sayin' it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray, boop, dead.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Kate Veatch: You fired me so I would date you?
White Goodman: Yuh-huh.
Kate Veatch: You are a crazy little man.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

White Goodman: Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichsky. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. Ball me, Blazer.
[Blazer passes him a dodgeball]
White Goodman: Show them, Fran.

[Fran takes the ball and hurls it at a man on the other side of the bar, knocking him into the jukebox. He drops to the floor, limp]
White Goodman: And that's just her change-up. End of demo. We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!
Justin: [frightened whisper] I think that guy might really be dead.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Angry Troop #417 Girl: God damn you, Bernice!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Pepper Brooks: [Average Joe's team comes out in S & M gear] I feel like I'm watching a Cher video.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Owen: [after Patches got smashed with sign] Well... it's probably the way he wanted to go...
Dwight: ...What?

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Young Patches O'Houlihan: This is Patches O'Houlihan saying "Take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you."

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Gordon: Guy, not to sound negative, but we've only had one customer, and it's that weird guy who keeps paying Justin to wash his truck.
[the guys turn around to see Justin scrubbing a monster truck]
Weird Guy with Monster Truck: [while rubbing his belly] That's it, boy. Get in there all nice and deep-like.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Kate Veatch: That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

White Goodman: So, that's the deal... I give you $100,000. You sign over the deed to your gym. Period. End o' story.
Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White? You're a lot dumber than I thought.
White Goodman: Hmm. Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought that I think that I thought I was

once.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Kate Veatch: Mr La Fleur, I can assure you this is a very serious situation.
Peter La Fleur: Yeah, no, this is extremely serious, Mrs, uh, Veach...
Kate Veatch: It's Ms. I'm going to need to review all of your financial statements and assess any tax liabilities there may be.
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. I don't

know how you say Ms for a Mr 'cause it's just Mr, but if there was a Ms Mr, I'm a Ms as well.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: [Giving advice from beyond the grave to Peter LaFleur at the climactic game] Listen up, crotch stain. Remember your training, and trust your instincts. You can do it! I believe in you! Bye-bye!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: You're about as useful as a poopie-flavored lollipop.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Patches O'Houlihan: I ain't crazy and I ain't a guy.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

Steve the Pirate: I'm gonna send you all to hell!

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

White Goodman: In thirty days I'll be bulldozing that shit-heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness. And I can only hope that you, and the mongrel race that comprise your membership, are inside it when I do.

Dodgeball
Dodgeball

[the Average Joes are dressed in S&M leather]
Audience Member: Hey, asshole! You guys suck!