71 Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure Quotes (2026) #4

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: Okay, wait, if we were one of Europe's greatest leaders, and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would we go?
Bill, Ted: [pause] Waterloo!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: Dude, it's Sigmund Frood.
Bill: How much time we got left?
Ted: Tons. Why?
Bill: Extra credit, dude.
Ted: [to Freud] How's it goin', Frood-dude?

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Capt. Logan: You pack your bags, Ted.
Ted: What?
Capt. Logan: You're going to military school, Ted.
Ted: But, Dad...
Capt. Logan: [interrupting] No, I don't wanna hear it, Ted.
Ted: But...
Capt. Logan: Ted! You go home and pack your bags

now!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[in Ancient Greece]
Bill: Socrates. Hey, we know that name!
Ted: Yeah! Hey,
[hands Bill the book]
Ted: look him up. Oh, it's under So-crates.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: What are you doin' home, Dad?
Capt. Logan: I'm looking for my keys.
Ted: Oh!
Capt. Logan: You haven't done anything with them, have ya?
Ted: No, sir.
Capt. Logan: I spoke to your principal today, Ted. He said you're failing history.

Ted: Me and Bill...
Capt. Logan: He also said that if you fail history, you flunk out of school. You know what that would mean, don't ya, Ted?
Ted: That I would have to go to Oates Military Acadamy, sir.
Capt. Logan: Uh-huh. I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning. He's anxious to meet you, Ted.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Girl at Mall: [about Socrates] Look at his sandals.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Sigmund Freud: [seeing the phone booth appear; in German] This must be a dream.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: Okay, the lady in that car over there said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275.
Bill: It's not just a water sport, I knew it!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[Bill and Ted see they are about go into a loop in the Circuits of Time]
Ted: What's that?
Bill: I don't know.
Ted, Bill: SHIT!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[the lights have dimmed in the San Dimas High School auditorium for Bill and Ted's presentation]
Bill: Hello, San Dimas. Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, from all throughout history, some of the greatest people who have ever lived, in their 1988 World Tour!
[Billy the Kid appears on stage]
Billy the Kid: How's it going?

I'm Billy the Kid.
[the students begin giggling; in response, Billy whips out one of his revolvers and shoots a stage light to show he's serious. The student stop giggling]
Billy the Kid: I'd like you all to put your hands together.
[the students do so, clapping louder and louder]
Billy the Kid: [pleased] And now, my good friends, Bill

S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted "Theodore" Logan! Yee-haw!