71 Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure Quotes (2026) #3

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Capt. Logan: I want to speak with you, son.
[looks at Bill]
Capt. Logan: Alone, please, Bill.
[Bill goes outside]
Capt. Logan: All right, sit down. What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't be...
Bill: [outside] Great.
Capt. Logan: You lose my keys, you fail history, you

spend all your time with your loser friend planning a band that'll never happen. Now, you're not to leave this house again until tomorrow morning.
[the phone rings]
Capt. Logan: Yes?
Bill: Captain Logan? This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station.
Capt. Logan: Deputy Van Halen?
[Ted sees Bill on the phone

outside]
Bill: I'm new dude - sir. Look, we found your keys. If you want 'em, better come and get 'em.
[hangs up]
Capt. Logan: When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. Got it?
[Ted nods; Capt. Logan leaves]
Ted: [outside] We are in serious trouble. My dad already signed me up, my plane

leaves tommorow night.
Bill: Only if we fail, dude.
[they look at the phone booth]
Bill, Ted: No way!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: [after Napoleon explains his new waterslide war strategy] I don't think it's gonna work.
Napoleon: Non?
[pause, then slams his pointer down on the map, scattering playing pieces everywhere]
Napoleon: Triomphe Napoleon!
[translated: Napoleon wins!]

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[Bill and Ted have met themselves again]
Bill, Ted: Catch you later, Bill and Ted.
Bill: That conversation made more sense this time.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[Captain Logan is questioning Abraham Lincoln]
Capt. Logan: All right, what's your name?
Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln. That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.
Capt. Logan: I know how to spell Lincoln. What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
Abraham Lincoln: February 12... 1809.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[arriving at the White House in 1863]
Billy the Kid: Candygram!
Abraham Lincoln: Yes, what can I...
[Genghis Kahn grabs and pulls him into the phone booth]

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: Excuse me. When did the Mongols rule China?
Lady at the Circle K: I don't know. I just work here.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: If only we could go back to two days ago before your dad lost his keys, and steal them.
Ted: Well, why don't we?
Bill: Cuz we don't have time, dude.
Ted: We could do it after the report.
Bill: Oh, yeah! Where should we put 'em?
Ted: How 'bout behind this

sign?
Bill: OK... Whoa! It worked!
Ted: Right, so when we're done with the report, we have to remember to do this or else it won't happen... but it did happen! Wow, it *was* me who stole my dad's keys!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Rufus: You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony, allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life, from extraterrestrial beings to common household pets. And... it's excellent for dancing.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[just before time-traveling for the first time]
Rufus: [putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... we're history.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Captain Logan: [Captain Logan sees Bill and Ted pushing Billy the Kid out of the prison block window] Ted, what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Ted: Trash can... remember a trash can!
Captain Logan: Trash can? What are you talking about...
[a trash can with "Wyld Stallyans Rule" written on the side lands on Captain

Logan's head]

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance around here?

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Rufus: [meeting for the first time] Greetings, my excellent friends.
Ted: Do you know when the Mongols ruled China?
Rufus: Well, perhaps we can ask them.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[as Genghis Khan shows off, Bill narrates]
Bill: As you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[seeing Missy as they arrive back in Bill's yard]
Billy the Kid: Whoa, who's the senorita? She's cute.
Ted: It's his mom, dude.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Genghis Khan, Billy the Kid: Bogus!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: [walking down the street with Bill in the west] Hey, Bill. This is just like Frontierland!
Bill: Yeah, but you can get shot here, Ted.
Ted: Oh.
Bill: So just try to act natural.
Ted: Okay. Howdy, partner!
Old West Pedestrian: Howdy.
Bill: Watch out

for the horse crap, Ted.
Ted: [sidestepping a big mound of horse excrement] Oh. Thanks, dude.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: [Reading a fax on a desk while sneaking around in the Police Station's administrative section that their other selves have left them] "Dear Bill and Ted, good luck on the report. Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted 'Theodore' Logan."
Ted: That was nice of us.
Bill: [reading another fax they sent themselves] P.S., duck!

Bill: [They do so and avoid being spotted by an officer passing by at that exact time]
[to Ted]
Bill: Excellent work, Dude!
Ted: [to Bill] Way to go!