Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure Quotes

[Bill and Ted are working on their history report]
Bill: Okay, Ted, George Washington. One: the father of our country.
Ted: Two: born on President's Day.
Bill: Three: the dollar-bill guy.
Ted: Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? It's like, just like...
Bill: Ted.

Alaska.
Ted: Okay. Um... Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
Bill: That's Captain Ahab, dude.

One Of The Three Most Important People in the World: It's you!
Ted: Yeah! It's us!
[to Bill]
Ted: Who are we?
[the strangers start playing air guitar, so Bill and Ted play also; more people come out and join them]
Ted: Bill, I think they want us to say something.
Bill:

What should I say?
Ted: [shrugs] Make something up.
Bill: Be excellent to each other.
[room murmurs appreciatively]
Ted: Party on, dudes!
[room approves]
Bill: [to Ted] Good one, dude.
[to room]
Bill: Well, we gotta get back to our report.

Ted: Yeah. We'd take you with us, but it's a history report, not a future report.
Bill: Later.
The Three Most Important People in the World: Later.

[after seeing the Princesses Joanna and Elizabeth]
Bill: Ted?
Ted: I'm in love, dude.
Bill: Whoa. Those must be the princesses you told yourself about at the Circle-K. We gotta go. It's a history report, not a babe report.
Ted: But, Bill, those are historical babes.
Bill: Okay,

you're the ladies' man. How we gonna meet 'em?

Girl at Mall: Oh, my God!
[laughs with her friend at Freud's introduction]
Sigmund Freud: You both seem to be suffering from a mild form of hysteria.
Girl at Mall: You are such a geek!
[walks off with her friend]
Billy the Kid: Way to go, egghead!
Socrates: GEEK!

[laughs]
Sigmund Freud: What is a geek?

[Bill and Ted have just landed the booth in Bill's yard]
Ted: Uh, Ms. Preston. We'd like you to meet some of our... friends.
Bill: Yeah. This is Dave Beeth-Oven.
[Beethoven kisses Missy's hand. She laughs]
Bill: And, uh, Maxine of Arc, Missy. Herman the Kid.
Ted: Bob "Genghis" Khan. So-cratz

Johnson. Dennis Frood. And, uh, uh... Abraham Lincoln.

Billy the Kid: Not bad, eh, Socrates? Where are we, dude?
Bill: England, 15th century.
Ted: We are in most excellent shape for our report.
Bill: Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval.
Billy the Kid: Excellent.
Bill: Billy, you are dealing with the

oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease.

Bill, Ted: How's it goin' ladies?
Princess Elizabeth: You're the ones we saw in front of the castle.
Ted: I am Ted of San Dimas, and, uh, I bring to you a message of love.
Princess Elizabeth: [giggles] From who?
Ted: [thinking] From... from myself.

Princess Elizabeth: And what is this message you speak of?
Ted: Uh...
Bill: [whispers in ted's ear] Lyrics, dude, recite them some lyrics.
Ted: Oh, you beautiful babes from England, for whom we have traveled through time... will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? We will have a most triumphant time!

[princesses giggle]
Bill: Way to go, dude!

[first lines]
Rufus: Hi, welcome to the future. San Dimas, California, 2688. And I'm telling you it's great here. The air is clean, the water's clean, even the dirt, it's clean. Bowling averages are way up, mini-golf scores are way down. And we have more excellent water slides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you this place is great! But it almost

wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the two great ones, ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two on the correct path, the basis of our society will be in danger. Don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

Bill: Dude, you gotta have a poker face, like me.
[Ted stops grinning at his cards, Bill looks at his own cards]
Bill: Whoa, three aces!
Bearded Cowboy: What the hell's going on here, Billy?
Old West Ugly Dude: Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid?
Billy the Kid: [sweating] Cheating? Me?

[leaps up/flips table over screaming]
Billy the Kid: Aah!

[an early morning jam]
Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Ted: And I'm Ted Theo-
[realizes *he's* holding the camera]
Ted: Hold on. Bill, here. You take it.
Bill: Okay.
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
[Bill puts the camera on the table]

Bill, Ted: And we're... WYLD STALLYNS!