71 Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure Quotes (2024)

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Evil Duke: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Bill, Ted: Excellent!
[air guitar]
Evil Duke: Execute them.
Bill, Ted: Bogus!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[Bill and Ted meet themselves]
Ted: OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?
Bill, Ted: 69, dudes.
Bill, Ted: Whoa.
[quadruple air guitar solo]

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Missy: Hi, Bill. Want a ride?
Bill: Sure, Missy.
[she draws a blank stare at Bill]
Bill: I mean, Mom.
[she smiles and puts on her Ray-Bans]
Ted: [whispering to Bill] Your stepmom's cute.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we

were freshmen?
Bill: Shut up, Ted!

#smiles

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: Now your dad's going for it in your own room!
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Your stepmom *is* cute, though.
Bill: Shut up, Ted!
Ted: Remember when I asked her to the prom?
Bill: SHUT UP, TED!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[Bill thought Ted was killed]
Bill: Whoa! Ted! You're alive!
Ted: Yeah! I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor.
[they hug]
Bill, Ted: [to each other] Fag!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: So-crates - "The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing".
Ted: That's us, dude.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: You ditched Napoleon!
Ted: Deacon, do you realize you have just stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas?
Deacon: He was a dick.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian...
Ted, Bill: ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!
[All the students applaud wildly for Khan]
Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago,

totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: [after Ted was "killed" by a medieval soldier] Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant. Ah, Ted, don't be dead, dude.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: [both get served beers in a saloon bar] Whoa. He didn't even card us, dude.
Bill: Yeah, we have to remember this place.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Abraham Lincoln: Fourscore and...
[looks at his pocket watch]
Abraham Lincoln: seven minutes ago... we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure conceived by our new friends, Bill... and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to a proposition which was true in my time, just as it's true today. Be excellent to each

other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Police Psychiatrist: I wanna know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
Sigmund Freud: Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?
Police Psychiatrist: Why do you keep asking me these questions?
Sigmund Freud: Tell me about your mother.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Mr. Ryan: It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Ted: Dude, are you sure we should be doing this?
Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy.
Ted: What if we were lying?
Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: How's it going, royal ugly dudes?

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

[Bill and Ted are in Ancient Greece]
Bill: [approaching Socrates] How's it going? I'm Bill, this is Ted. We're from the future.
Socrates: Socrates.
Ted: [whispering to Bill] Now what?
Bill: I dunno. Philosophize with him!
Ted: [clears his throat, to Socrates] "All we are is dust

in the wind," dude.
[Socrates gives them a blank stare]
Bill: [scoops up a pile of dust from the basin before them and lets it run out of his hand] Dust.
[he blows the remainder away]
Bill: Wind.
Ted: [points at Socrates] Dude.
[Socrates gasps]

#them

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: He's dead?
Mr. Ryan: So, Bill, what you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short dead dude.
Bill: Well, yeah.
Ted: You totally blew it, dude.
Mr. Ryan: Ted, stand up.
Ted: Stand up?
Mr. Ryan: Yes, son. Stand up.

[Ted stands]
Mr. Ryan: Now, who was Joan of Arc?
Ted: ...Noah's wife?
[laughter, then bell]

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill: Ted, while I agree that, in time, our band will be most triumphant. The truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
Ted: Yes, Bill. But, I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
Bill: Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video before we

even have decent instruments.
Ted: Well, how can we have decent instruments when we don't really even know how to play?
Bill: That is why we NEED Eddie Van Halen!
Ted: And THAT is why we need a triumphant video.
Bill, Ted: EXCELLENT!
[air guitar, the clock chimes 8:00 am]

Bill: Uh oh, we're late!
Ted: For what?
Bill: For school, dude!
Ted: Oh yeah.