Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.
Glamour comes from within. My beauty regime begins with my personality.
New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.
I've decided the secret of parenting is benevolent neglect.
One of the strangest experiences one can have is to sleep on stage, as I once did in Sydney when I'd lost the key to my flat. I had to stay at night in a bed, which conveniently was on stage because my character Sandy Stone did his monologue from a bed. To wake up looking at a shadowy auditorium is a very peculiar feeling.
To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with one's mother.
I say things other people wish they could say. I don't pick on people - I empower them.
I Sellotape whole tins of sardines to my face at night, attach two squeezed lemon rinds to my armadillo-skinned elbows, and put cucumber on my eyes. By the time I'm finished, I look like a fruit salad with added fish. In the morning, the pillow is pretty much a write-off.
In Edna, I created a satiric portrait of my hometown of Melbourne, a large provincial English city paradoxically in far Southeast Asia. She's a theatrical figure, related to vaudeville in some respects. She inhabits a world in which there are comparatively few female exponents of comedy.
I think of myself as an actor. The duty of an actor is to be able to impersonate anything - a child, an old man, a tree, a chair, a woman.
I have charity work that I do. I started my own charity, the Friends of the Prostate, and I'm also working on awareness of the deviated septum. I do this because not many people are interested in it. There's also Save the Funnel-web - they're dying out.
I've played Beckett. I put on in the 1950s the first Australian production of 'Waiting for Godot.' I played Estragon. The most interesting conversation I've had about Beckett was with a Dublin taxi driver.
I'm approaching 70. Unfortunately, from the wrong direction.
I have got to the point in my life when a lot of people I know have died or are dying, so I realise that somewhere outside the pearly gates is a queue, shuffling nearer and nearer to the celestial box office.
Now the point of comedy is not just looking funny, it's use of language. We have at our disposal a great language... and the imaginative, creative use of that language can be at the service of humour.
I've never looked at my Facebook page or my website, because I'm fundamentally an amateur.
My parents were very pleased that I was in the army. The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more.
Most of my contemporaries at school entered the World of Business, the logical destiny of bores.
People only watch my shows for me, and those shows have remained evergreen long after the guests are forgotten.
I suffer greatly from nerves. I have stage-fright badly, and it gets worse, but the stage is still my life.
