Robin Swallows: My name is Robin Swallows.
Austin: Swallows - that's an interesting name.
Robin Swallows: Maiden name's Spitz.
Austin: Which is it, baby, Spitz or Swallows?
Dr. Evil: Mojo: The libido. The life force. The essence. The right stuff. What the French call a certain... I don't know what.
Fat Bastard: [after Felicity kicks Fat Bastard in the crotch] Oh. Right in the mommy daddy button.
Felicity Shagwell: That's for calling me crap, you fatty!
Fat Bastard: [about Mini-me] Jesus Christ, he's tiny! I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap.
Fat Bastard: I'm dead sexy. You were crap!
[Mini Me's chair is malfunctioning and he's thrown into the rafters]
Dr. Evil: Mini Me? Where are you? Could someone put a fricken bell on him or something?
Felicity Shagwell: So Austin, tell me about the future.
Austin: Well everyone has their own flying car, entire meals come in pill form, and the Earth is run by damn dirty apes.
Felicity Shagwell: Oh my God!
Fat Bastard: First things first. Where's your shitter? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kidding. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aw, it's squidgy. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?
Jerry Springer: You know, what have we learned here today? Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. You can look around all you want, but what you're really trying to find is on the inside. Take care of yourself, and each other.
Frau Farbissina: I will never love another man.
Dr. Evil: [remembers Unibrau] That's true.
Dr. Evil: [singing while playing the piano] What if god was one of us / Just a slob like one of us / Blue blue blue blue blue blue blue / Bla bla bli bli bli.
[Everyone applauds]
Dr. Evil: Thank you, yes, thank you. I wrote that.
Austin: [the guard has just fallen in molten lava] What a burn.
[laughs]
Austin: That sort of thing could get a man fired.
[laughs]
Austin: I think he was hot for you.
[laughs]
Felicity Shagwell: That's enough.
Austin: Yeah.
[last lines]
Mustafa: Hello, out there! Is the movie over? I'm still down here, and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. Oh! The pain is really quite severe. I fashioned a makeshift splint. Here goes nothing!
[the splint snaps; Mustafa screams and hits the ground]
Robin Swallows: Tell me, Mr. Powers. Do you swing?
Austin: Are you kidding, baby? I put the "grrrr" in swinger, baby! Yeah!
Fat Bastard: [to Mini Me] I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly.
Dr. Evil: Number Two, you look so healthy, and youthful. Frau, you look so... right.
Dr. Evil: [Stealing the globe on the Jerry Springer show] The world is mine! The world is mine ya motherf***ers!
