I once told a date, 'I love what you're wearing!' She replied, 'Aw, thanks. I've gotten so many compliments on it. Yours means the most though!' She didn't need to tell me guys were hitting on her - my imagination went there anyway.
I was waiting for a train at Waverley Station in Edinburgh. My knee was hurting, so I asked a young man for his seat. He replied, 'There's one over there'. I said, 'Please', and when he refused I poured my water over him.
A reporter asked recently, 'What keeps you up at night?' I replied that I generally sleep well, but if I ever do have trouble, I don't have to count sheep. I count all the states I'm glad I'm not the governor of.
My mom said to me: 'Sonny, you need to study English.' And I replied to her: 'Mom, I do not need it. I'm going to be horse-boy, would I speak English with horses?' Mom said: 'Darling, you need to.' But I did not listen to my mother.
I've had lots of replies, we're into the double figures now. And the overall standard is very good. In fact I've been feeling a little guilty, because I haven't replied to anyone yet - it is something I will be doing.
A person once asked me, in a provocative manner, if I approved of homosexuality. I replied with another question: 'Tell me: when God looks at a gay person, does he endorse the existence of this person with love, or reject and condemn this person?' We must always consider the person.
People can underestimate you when you're blonde and from Essex, but it's easy to shut that down. I used to get dumb blonde jokes when I was 18, but when I replied that I was studying maths at Oxford, it usually shut them up.
I cannot forget a conversation that I had with an elderly couple from the tribe. They asked me whether I would kill them after I had finished. When I asked them why they asked that, they replied, Because you white men always do!
It is fair to say that I am generally very bad at keeping in touch - with everyone. When I read a text, my brain seems to think that I have replied to it, and so I am often genuinely surprised when people tell me I haven't.
The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
