Let me say this, to all of the chattering class that so much focuses on those little tiny, yes, porky amendments - the American people really don't care.
When I was a kid, I wanted to emulate Mel Blanc, who is arguably one of the most legendary voiceover recording artists of our time. I used to watch all the cartoons where he would voice Daffy, Elmer Fudd and Porky the Pig. I knew one day I wanted to do that.
The reason the contracts are so long is because actors are very spontaneous; we may want to do Shakespeare one day and be Porky Pig the next!
Lots of people think I'm telling porky pies when I say how nervous I get about singing. I was good at working out how music was put together, and I was good at being at the back, but if you asked me to sing up front, then I looked like I was going to pass out.
I had been kind of quite porky and happy at boarding school and not self-conscious at all; then, suddenly, I found myself in auditions being examined, and it made me angry.
I realise I'm known for doing big, very serious cases, but fundamentally, any lawyer will tell you that even the most complex trials come down to the same questions. Are people telling porky pies? Are bank accounts dodgy? Is someone trying to get one over on you? It's my job to listen and then decide.
Bullet Tooth Tony: I want to know who blagged Brick-Top's bookies.
Mullet: Do me a favor, Ton!
Bullet Tooth Tony: I will do you a favor, Mullet. I'll not get out of this car and bash the living fuck out of you in front of all your girlfriends.
[Mullet hunkers down to the car window]
Mullet: Got to make
it worth my while, mate. Jesus, Tony, you know that...
[Tony seizes his tie and rolls up the window, wedging Mullet's head in it]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Comfortable, Mullet? It seems sadly ironic that it's that tie that's got you into this pickle. Now you just take all the time you want.
[He starts the car forward]
Mullet: What the fuck are
you doing, Ton?
Bullet Tooth Tony: I'm driving down the street with your head stuck in my window. What do you think I'm doing, you pen-ass?
Mullet: Slow down, Ton.
Bullet Tooth Tony: [sniffs] You been using dogshit for toothpaste, Mullet?
Mullet: Slow down, Ton! Slow down, Tony!
Bullet
Tooth Tony: I don't think I'll slow down. I think I'll speed up. You can play some music if you like.
[He turns on the radio; Madonna's "Lucky Star" is playing]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Oh, I love this track.
Mullet: I think...
Bullet Tooth Tony: Yes, Mullet?
Mullet: I think it's two black
guys, in a pawn shop on Smith street.
Bullet Tooth Tony: You better not be telling me porky pies.
Mullet: I'm fucking telling you, it's two black guys who work off a pawn shop in fucking Smith Street!
Avi: That's very effective, Tony. It's not too subtle, but effective.
[Tony accelerates and turns toward Smith Street]
Avi: Are we taking him with us?
[Tony rolls down the window, releasing Mullet's head and dumping him on the roadside]