Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack: That's what porn is: turning the normal into abnormal, by fucking it!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Delaney: [after Zack leaving the set] Can you believe this shit?
Deacon: [after Stacy accidentally shits all over his face] Can you believe THIS shit? That chick frosted me like I was a fucking cake!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack Brown: You don't wanna fuck a stranger in a porn movie for some strange reason. I guess we could fuck.
Miriam Linky: Ew
Zack Brown: Fuck you.
Miriam Linky: No I mean you're an okay enough looking guy and everything.
Zack Brown: Holy fuck thank you. You're an alright looking gal how

does that feel?

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Mr. Surya: [to Zack and Delaney] I hate you ebony and ivory motherfuckers!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack Brown: Oh you'll be sorry when I'm giving you the best orgasms of your life.
Miriam Linky: Yeah right. As if you even know what you're doing down there.
Zack Brown: Where's the clitoris again? Is it in your ass?

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack Brown: Have you seen that Joe Francis guy who made Girls Gone Wild? That guy's the biggest fucking idiot piece of shit in the world and he has a jet and a fucking island!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack Brown: [suggesting a porn title] Star Sex II: The Wrath of Cunt.
Miriam Linky: We never made Star Sex I.
Zack Brown: I guess we can skip Star Sex III: The Search for Cock, then.
[Zack has a new idea]
Zack Brown: Cocunt!
Miriam Linky: What's that?
Zack

Brown: It's like Cocoon. With a cunt!
[Miri looks at him and laughs uncomfortably]

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack Brown: If you heard that someone we graduated with was in a fucking porno movie, you'd watch it, right? I'd watch that guy Brandon suck a cock. I just met him!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Teen #1: [recording Miri undressing, revealing "granny panties"] Those are fucking granny panties!
Zack: [Zack blocks the view with his ass, then sticks his thumb up it] Sorry guys, am I in the way?
Teen #2: You're a fucking faggot, alright?
Teen #1: Let's go to Starbucks, this guy's a shitty barista anyways.


Zack: Cock?
[throws a cup at the teens]
Teen #1: And he throws like a bitch!
Zack: You know what else I've thrown, my nutsack in your coffee so how'd that taste, fuckers?
Teen #2: We saw your girlfriend in her underwear, cunt nugget!
Zack: Well too bad, she's not my

girlfriend you little fuck -
[they leave]
Zack: oh, they're gone.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Lester: [after Zack and Miri's passionate scene has ended] Way to fuck, Zack!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Writer of Titles: [At the end of the titles] Christ, I spend way too much time on the internet.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Brandon: [fighting with Bobby] The reason... the reason you haven't taken me home to your mother is... your mother with her makeup and her drinking, she's... she's in the closet too!
Zack: They fight just like *real* people!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Lester: [acting in the porno] I'd like a double espresso so I can stay up all night... 'cos I'm in the mood to fuck!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack: Wow, D.P. and editor. You have your shit covered.
Deacon: Please don't ever say "shit covered" to me again.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Delaney: Sometimes, we just need someone to show us something we can't see for ourselves.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Miriam Linky: What happened to the water?
Zack Brown: I guess they musta shut it off...
Miriam Linky: Help me get this shit outta my hair! Just use the water outta the toilet!
Zack Brown: There's poo in there...
Miriam Linky: The back part of the toilet!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Lester: I even tried to talk her into givin' me the fuckin' Dutch Rudder... shot me down on that, too.
Zack Brown: And a Dutch Rudder is...?
Lester: You don't know what a Dutch Rudder - alright, you grab your dick, and then you have somebody else work your arm. Here, lemme show you. Grab my arm, I'm grabbing my dick, you're grabbing

my arm... now work it. Work it. Work my arm. See that shit? Now work it up and down. See that? It's like somebody else is jerking you off.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Miriam Linky: [Seeing that Zack shaved his beard] Your face! I don't think I've seen your face since senior year.
Zack Brown: I think I made a mistake. I did it for you, you know, so you wouldn't get road rash during our scene... but I shoulda asked first. I look like a fuckin' Balooga Whale.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Miriam Linky: [after hitting on Bobby and meeting his boyfriend] You're gay?
Bobby Long: Yeah.
Miriam Linky: [to Brandon] And I'm on the internet wearing... a diaper?
Brandon: Who knew you'd come to Pittsburgh and meet a celebrity? Ha ha!
Miriam Linky: [to Zack] I'm gonna binge-drink

now until I pass out.
Zack Brown: Okay. She'll be fine. So you guys suck each other's cocks, huh?
Brandon: Oh, like crazy.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Bobby Long: This is exactly why you haven't met my mother! Because you don't know how to ease people in to this situation, you just force your way in every time!
Brandon: Baby, I thought maybe for one second in this God-forsaken town I could be myself! I'm so sorry, you're right, I should just butch up and pretend that I don't love it when you shove your

dick in my mouth!
Zack Brown: [to himself] This is the best night of my life.
Brandon: Am I making a spectacle? Because I could make a much bigger scene. I'm sorry, Pittsburg, listen up Monroevers, my name is Brandon St. Randy, and I love Bobby Long!
Zack Brown: Fucking A!
Brandon: Is that enough for

you? Is that enough of a scene? Cause I could start doing a lot worse then that. And the reason that you haven't taken me home to your mother is that your mother, with her makeup and all her drinking, she's in the closet too.
Zack Brown: [in awe] They fight just like real people...