We're the Millers Quotes

Todd - Strip Club Owner: Oh, great, Rose. Glad I caught you. Um, I wanted to go over a couple of minor policy changes that we have here at the club.
Rose O'Reilly: Like what?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Like, I want you to start having sex with the customers for money.
Rose O'Reilly: What? That's totally illegal,

Todd.
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Come on. What are you gonna do? Besides, I gotta stay competitive with those fuckers who just opened up across the street.
Rose O'Reilly: You mean the Apple store?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Yeah! And they're killing us!
Rose O'Reilly: Oh, God. That's it. I can't do it. I

quit.
Kymberly: [Enters] Did you hear the good news? Now we get to fuck the customers for money!
[Squeals]
Rose O'Reilly: [Dumbfounded] Wha...
Todd - Strip Club Owner: Boner Garage loves it.
Rose O'Reilly: I'm out of here. I am out of here. I quit.

Brad's Receptionist: Can I help you?
David Clark: Hi, you ordered two black guys. David Clark, here to see Mr Gurdlinger.
Brad's Receptionist: I will tell him you're here. Can I get you anything, coffee, tea, Fresca?
David Clark: Hmmmmm, you know what, a Fresca sounds really good.
Brad's

Receptionist: You got it.

Kymberly: Wow. You dance super-good.
Rose O'Reilly: Thanks.
Kymberly: I'm Kymberly. With a 'y'
Rose O'Reilly: I'm Rose. With an 'r'. Is that your stage name?
Kymberly: My what?
Rose O'Reilly: Something to protect yourself from all those creeps out there. You

should pick one. You know, something simple and sexy but cute. Short, maybe. Do you have a nickname?
Kymberly: Totally!
Rose O'Reilly: Oh. Well, great. Then use that because you...
Kymberly: I even got a tattoo of it. Do you wanna see?
Rose O'Reilly: Uh, well, n...
Kymberly:

[Pulls down panties, revealing tattoo that says "Boner Garage" with an arrow pointing to her crotch] Check it out.
Rose O'Reilly: [Reading] 'Boner Garage'. Ooh... Wow... With a little arrow there, even...

Brad Gurdlinger: Listen, this is a fucked up situation. But, I might have a win-win situation for both of us.
David Clark: Great.
Brad Gurdlinger: I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway,

that's where you come in.

Brad Gurdlinger: Go for B-Rad
David Clark: Hey Brad, what the fuck!
Brad Gurdlinger: Uh oh, something wrong?
David Clark: Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.
Brad Gurdlinger: Smidge and half, no?
David

Clark: Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man. Ok, they are used a god damn bucket brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!
Brad Gurdlinger: Wait, you just walked in there, told them you were picking up for Pablo Chacon, and they were like "Yeah, no problem?"
David Clark: Why do you sound suprized by this?

Kenny Rossmore: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh fuck a donkey it hurts so much!
David Clark: What hurts, Kenny?
Kenny Rossmore: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna fuckin' die!
David Clark: Kenny, you're not going to die. Tell me what's wrong.
Rose O'Reilly: What's wrong, Kenny?
Kenny

Rossmore: Fuckin' spider bit me on my balls, David! On my balls, on my balls, on my fuckin' balls!

Brad Gurdlinger: It's all here! I'm blown away David, great job. But it's late, deadline was last night, so... sorry buddy. No deal.
David Clark: Brad, I almost got killed over this shit twice.
Brad Gurdlinger: Look, i'm not gonna be an asshole about this. I got two tons of premium weed, and yes you got Chacon pinched in the process,

which is a huge win for team Brad. So how about we shake hands and call it even?
David Clark: You were never gonna pay me, were you?
Brad Gurdlinger: Is that a dick move? I can never tell anymore.
[DEA team then breaks in and arrests everybody]
Brad Gurdlinger: [as Brad is being handcuffed] You double crossed me!

David Clark: Kind of a dick move. right?

David Clark: Do it for the girls. For Rose and Casey, because believe me, they won't last two days in a Mexican prison.
Kenny Rossmore: OK, I'll do it for the girls.
David Clark: Attaboy! I'm proud of you.
Mexican Cop: Hey, what's going on? Somebody sucking my dick or am I getting 1000 pesos?

David Clark: Pesos? Why didn't you say so?
Mexican Cop: A thousand.
David Clark: Oh, that's like 80 bucks American? Here's a 100. Keep the change.
Mexican Cop: Gracias
David Clark: Can't believe you were gonna suck that guy's dick. Come on, let's go.

Kenny Rossmore: FUCK! Oh, my God. I'm gonna die
Rose O'Reilly: Tell us what happened.
Kenny Rossmore: A fucking sipder bit me, David. It bit me on my balls, on my fucking balls!
Rose O'Reilly: Oh God. Let me see it, Kenny, let me see it.
Kenny Rossmore: No fucking way, you're not seeing

it.
Rose O'Reilly: Come on. I can't help you unless you show it to me. Sweetie just show it to me.
David Clark: Kenny, will you just man up and drop your pants?
Casey Mathis: We've all seen a dick!

Brad Gurdlinger: [On the phone with David] I'm just getting some singing lessons from my main man Ben Folds Five. Ain't that right Ben Folds Five?
Ben Folds - Piano Teacher: My name is Ben Folds. "Five" is the name of the band.
Brad Gurdlinger: Remember the song we used to listen to? 'She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly' I've

fucking got the guy. He's like my personal bitch.
Ben Folds - Piano Teacher: This gig sucks.
Brad Gurdlinger: Don't talk to me like that. I will have you killed and no one will miss your fucking nerd music.