We're the Millers Quotes

Styist: OK, what are we doing today?
David Clark: Yeah. I say, give me somethin' that says, 'I get up every morning at 5:30 and commute for an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jag-off boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the explorer shit and my wife up to her

fat ass in self-help videos until the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth.'
Middle Aged Man: [Indicating his own haircut] Right here.
David Clark: [Points in the mirror] Yeah. That's it. That's the one.

Casey Mathis: [On airplane, sitting next to Kenny. David is trying to appear normal, while introducing his "family" to the flight attendant] Yeah. I'm going through all those typical teenage girl issues, like finals and college applications and am I gonna get asked to prom?
[Smiles]
Casey Mathis: [Conversationally] Plus, I haven't gotten my period

in, like, two months, which is really weird, because I've mostly just been doing anal...
[Kenny chokes on his water]

Kenny Rossmore: Hey, David.
David Clark: Hi, Kenny.
Kenny Rossmore: So, I heard you and Mrs. O'Reilly fighting.
David Clark: It's called flirting, Kenny. You'll learn about it in college. What the hell are you doing up? It's almost two. Where's your mom?
Kenny Rossmore: Uh, she went for

a drink with a friend.
David Clark: When?
Kenny Rossmore: Last week.

David Clark: [On the phone] We're at the Corrales Regional Medical Center in the middle of Buttfuck, New Mexico.
Brad Gurdlinger: Why?
David Clark: Why? Why? Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider, that's why!
Brad Gurdlinger: That is amazing. Will you let me know if he

develops any superpowers?

Rose O'Reilly: [Scottie P. is trying to make out with Casey, who is resisting] Hey! Get your hands off of her! Come here, Casey. Now, you put your hands on her one more time, I swear I'm gonna rip that fucking tattoo right off of your chest.
[mocking]
Rose O'Reilly: You know what I'm sayin'?
Scottie P.: Oh, really, bitch?

Rose O'Reilly: Yeah, bitch.
Kenny Rossmore: You know what? Why don't you leave the girls alone, man.
Scottie P.: What are you gonna do about it, Eyebrows?
Kenny Rossmore: One... two...
Rose O'Reilly: [Punches Scottie P. in the face]
Scottie P.: OW! Broke my

nose! You're a aggressive woman! Y'know wha' I'm sayin'?
[runs away]
Rose O'Reilly: [to Casey] Are you OK?
Casey Mathis: I'm fine. That was awesome, you just fuckin' decked him!
Rose O'Reilly: Yeah, well, I've dealt with handsy assholes like him at work. Come on, let's just get out of here. Thanks for the backup. Kenny,

what were you counting? If you're gonna punch somebody, you punch 'em on "one."
Kenny Rossmore: Well, David told me to count...
[Casey groans]
Rose O'Reilly: David? David hasn't punched anybody, ever.

Todd - Strip Club Owner: Hey, Rose, I know you're
[air-quotes]
Todd - Strip Club Owner: "technically" on break, but I need a lap dance. Table five. Just don't get too close. The guy has two hook-hands.
Rose O'Reilly: [sighs] How did we let that guy back in here?
Todd - Strip Club Owner: I don't know. He

must've picked the locks.
[Chuckles]