Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
I drink therefore I am.
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
