Total Recall Quotes

Doug Quaid: Tell me what is going on? Talk! Or we can skip to "Until death do us apart."
Lori Quaid: I'm not your wife.
Doug Quaid: That's bullshit. We've been married for seven years.
Lori Quaid: I'm U.F.B. police intel, assigned to play your wife. Six weeks ago. I didn't even know you.
Doug

Quaid: What are you talking about?
Lori Quaid: It's true. Your memory was erased, your mind was implanted with a life you think you've lived. You keeping up, baby? There is no Douglas Quaid, there never was.
Doug Quaid: Are you saying I don't... This... Every... Our marriage...
Lori Quaid: What can I say? I give good

wife.

[Quaid enters a Johnnycab to escape from killers]
Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.
Douglas Quaid: Drive! drive!
Johnnycab: I'm not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Anywhere just go! Go!
Johnnycab: I'm not familiar

with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Shit! shit!
Johnnycab: Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!

Hauser: Howdy, stranger! This is Hauser. If things have gone wrong, I'm talking to myself and you don't have a wet towel around your head. Now, whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise. You are not you, you're me.
Douglas Quaid: [to himself] No shit.
Hauser: All my life, I worked for Mars Intelligence, I did Cohaagen's

dirty work. But then I met someone, a woman. She taught me a few things, like I was playing for the wrong team. All I can do now is make up for it. You see...
[Points to his head]
Hauser: ...there's enough shit in here to fuck Cohaagen good. But if you're hearing this, it means is that he's got to me first. Now, here comes the hard part, old buddy. Now it is all up

to you.
Douglas Quaid: [displeased] Great...
Hauser: Now, let's start by getting that bug out of your head.
[shows the nose device]
Hauser: Take this out of the case, and stick it up your nose. Don't worry, it's self-guiding. Just shove real hard.
[Quaid takes a deep breath, and sticks the nose device up his

nose]
Hauser: When you hear a crunch, you're there. Now, pull it out. Be careful! That's my head, too.
[Quaid screams in pain while Hauser grins, then Quaid pulls out the bug]
Hauser: This is the plan. Get your ass to Mars, and go to the Hilton Hotel and flash the fake Brubaker I.D. at the front desk, that's all there is to it. Just do as I

tell you. You can nail that son of a bitch that fucked you and me. I'm counting on you, old buddy. Don't let me down!

Immigration Officer: [to the Fat Lady] Have you brought any fruits or vegetables on the planet?
Fat Lady: [with a big smile] Two weeks.
Immigration Officer: Excuse me?
Fat Lady: [ticcing with her mouth] Two weeks. Twooo weeeks! Wweeeoo...
Richter: [walks by and looks back to the Fat

Lady]
Fat Lady: Two...
[moving her lips with her hands, then moving her head uncontrollably]
Richter: Quaid.
[yelling]
Richter: That's Quaid!
Everett: Where?
Richter: That woman! Get him! Her!
[runs to her]
Everett: Arrest that woman!

Richter: Get that woman!
[a disorder in the hall]
Fat Lady: [screaming and moving her head, touches her ear as if it is a switch, her wig fells off]
[the masks opens and Quaids head becomes visible]
Douglas Quaid: Catch!
[and throws the mask to the soldiers]
Fat Lady: Get ready for

a surprise!
[and the mask explodes in the soldiers' faces]

[the traitorous Benny shoots George/Kuato]
Benny: Congratulations, Quaid. You led us right to him.
Douglas Quaid: Benny? Why?
Melina: How can you do this? You're a mutant.
Benny: [shrugs] I got four kids to feed.
Douglas Quaid: So what happened to number five?

Benny: [beat] Aw, shit, man! You got me. I'm not even married. Now, shut up and put your fucking hands in the air!

Douglas Quaid: That's right.
Dr. Edgemar: Well, maybe this will convince you. Would you mind opening the door?
Douglas Quaid: [Holds his gun to Edgemar's chin] You open it.
Dr. Edgemar: No need to be rude, I'll open it.
[Goes tot he door and opens it, revealing Lori]
Douglas

Quaid: [Shocked] Oh, guessing that you're not here either.
Lori: I'm here, at Rekall. I love you.
Douglas Quaid: Right, that's why you tried to kill me.
Lori: No. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I want you to come back to me.
Douglas Quaid: Bullshit.
Dr. Edgemar:

What's bullshit Mr. Quaid? Afraid to admit that you're having a schizo paranoid episode, or are you really an invincible secret agent from Mars, who is in the middle of an interplanetary conspiracy to make him think that he's a lonley construction worker. Stop punishing yourself Doug, you're a fine upstanding man you have a beautiful wife who loves you, you have a whole life ahead of you. But you

gotta want to return to reality.
Douglas Quaid: If I wanted to return, then what?
Dr. Edgemar: [Takes out a pill] Swallow this.
Douglas Quaid: What is it.
Dr. Edgemar: It's a symbol for your desire to return to reality. In your dreams you'll fall asleep.
[Quaid takes the pill]

Douglas Quaid: Okay. Let's say you're telling the truth and this is all a dream.
[Puts his gun against Edgemar's head]
Douglas Quaid: But I could pull this trigger and it won't matter.
Lori: Don't, Doug.
Dr. Edgemar: Oh it wouldn't make the slighteat difference to me Doug. But the consequences to you

will be devestating, because in your mind I'll be dead, and with no one to guide you out you'll be stuck in permenant psychosis.
Lori: Let Dr. Edgemar help you.
Dr. Edgemar: The walls of reality will come crashing down. One minutie, you'll be the savior of the rebel cause, and the nest thing you know you'll be Cohaagan's Bosom Buddy, you'll also have

fantasies about alien civilizations as you requested. But in the end back on Earth, you'll be lobotomized. So get a grip on yourself Doug and put down that gun.
[Quaid lowers his gun]
Dr. Edgemar: Take the pill and put it in your mouth.
[Quaid puts the pill in his mouth]
Dr. Edgemar: Swallow it.
[Quaid pans around batween Edgemar

and Lori, then as a sweat drop runs down Edgemar's face Quaid shoots Edgemar in the head, and spits the pill out]
Lori: Now you've done it, now you've done it.

[Quaid points a gun at Dr. Edgemar's head]
Douglas Quaid: All right, let's say you're telling the truth and this is all a dream. I could pull this trigger and it won't matter.
Dr. Edgemar: It won't make the slightest difference to me Doug, but the consequences to you will be devastating. In your mind, I'll be dead, and with no one to guide you out,

you'll be stuck here in permanent psychosis. The walls of reality will come crashing down around you. One minute, you're the savior of the rebel cause; next thing you know, you'll be Cohaagen's bosom buddy. You'll even have fantasies about alien civilizations as you requested; but in the end, back on Earth, you'll be lobotomized! So get a grip on yourself, Doug, and put down that gun!

Melina: Hauser, we've been looking for you.
Doug Quaid: Don't call me... My name is Doug Quaid. I was born August 29th. All right. I was raised by my mother. She died of cancer before my 15th birthday. I married my girlfriend when I was 29!
Melina: You were born April 29th. You were raised by your father, not your mother. He died

before you were 15, but in a car crash. And believe me, you were most definitely not married.

Douglas Quaid: Ever heard of Rekall? They sell those fake memories.
Harry: Oh, "Rekall, Rekall, Rekall." You thinking of going there?
Douglas Quaid: I don't know, maybe.
Harry: Well, don't. A friend of mine tried one their "special offers," nearly got himself lobotomized.
Douglas Quaid:

No shit?
Harry: Don't fuck with your brain, pal. It ain't worth it.
Douglas Quaid: I guess not.
[Continues jackhammering, Harry watches in disbelief]

Vilos Cohaagen: [Cohaagen has Quaid strapped into a memory machine and is about to turn him back into Hauser] Relax, Quaid. You'll like being Hauser.
Douglas Quaid: The guy's a fucking asshole!
Vilos Cohaagen: Not true! He's one of my best friends. Besides, he's got a big house and a Mercedes and... you like Melina, right? Well, you

get to fuck her every night. That's right, she's going to be Hauser's babe.
Melina: [also strapped into a memory machine] I'll bust his balls!
Vilos Cohaagen: Uh-uh, Princess. We're having you fixed. You're gonna be respectful, compliant, and appreciative... the way a woman should be.
[she spits in his face]