Jeremy Clarkson: [while playing the video game Gran Turismo] Aston Martin DB9, that's not a racecar, that's pornography.
Richard Hammond: Now, earlier the three of us have use our extensive knowledge of lorrying to buy HGVs and it wasn't going well. Especially for Jeremy, who ended up with a gear lever in his bottom and his truck on fire.
James May: [looking through the survey results] I've just noticed, looking though these results, that ten of the thirteen bottom cars are French.
Jeremy Clarkson: That's possibly why they're burning them in Paris at the moment!
James May: I think they're just catching fire by themselves!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ford GT40] Was this the greatest hypercar of them all ? Well, that's a question I've never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.
Jeremy Clarkson: Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
Jeremy Clarkson: [while watching Terry Wogan do his lap] I've never been so bored in my life!
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked?
[whilst driving]
Jeremy Clarkson: Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't.
[repeated line]
James May: Bloody Nora!
Jeremy Clarkson: [on the Corvette Z06] ... as something to live with every day, I'd rather have bird flu.
Richard Hammond: [announcing the nominees for the Weirdest Renault] Ok, Weirdest Renault of the year. The nominees are as follows: The Velsatis. It's a businessman's car, but only if your business is Enron. The Megane, a family car, but only if your family is the Osbournes. And the Avantime, it is a sporty coupe but only if you don't want a car of that sporty or a coupe.
Jeremy Clarkson: That Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... "The Colin".
Jeremy Clarkson: [about Porsche Cayman S] There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
Jeremy Clarkson: [peering into the engine bay on the Lotus Exige] To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you've got chicken wire, bakofoil and tupperware. It's kind of like peering into one of your grannies' old kitchen cabinets.
