The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Frankie Figs: You know, I can't think of nothing finer than a fine naked woman holding a gun.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jimmy: It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Oz: OK, OK. Let's say that he did make a pass at you. The guy's been in prison for five years. He's desperate. He'd sleep with a meat grinder.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jimmy: I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door.
[after a beat, the waiter turns to Oz]
Oz: I'm fine.
[the waiter leaves, and Jimmy

starts laughing]
Jimmy: Fine? Let me tell you something, Oz. You are *not* fine. Do you know your wife wants you dead?
Oz: [tugs off his wedding ring] That much I've figured out.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Oz: Damn it, Jimmy. What the hell did you have to go and move in next door to me?
Jimmy: Oz, do you know what kind of soil they have in this back yard? I've been here two days and I've got little tomato plants...
Oz: Oh my God.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jimmy: Everyone dies.
Oz: [looks worried]
Jimmy: Sooner or later.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jimmy: [Oz is mowing his lawn and Jimmy shows up] Hey Oz, since I'm new here I was wondering if you could show me the sites, you know?
Oz: Now?
Jimmy: [puts Oz in the car] Yeah, don't worry it's not gonna kill ya.
Oz: [quietly] Promise?

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Janni Gogolack: Don't blong.
Oz: "Don't blong"?
Janni Gogolack: [Annoyed] Don't-BE-long!

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Dave Martin: Don't do anything stupid.
Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky: Why would you say that?
Dave Martin: You married Sophie.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

[after Oz tells Jimmy over a payphone he loves Jimmy's wife, while Jimmy doesn't know they slept together]
Jimmy: Will you listen to yourself? What are you talkin' about, you love her? You just met her!
[to Frankie]
Jimmy: He said he's in love with Cynthia!
Frankie Figs: No shit!
Jill St. Claire:

So SHE'S the one!
Jimmy: She's the one what?
Jill St. Claire: The one he schtupped in Chicago!
Jimmy: The one he...

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jimmy: My wife? You shtupped my wife, Oz?
Oz: I wouldn't exactly phrase it that way, exactly...
Jimmy: [with increasing anger] No, no, no! Let me get this straight. You went down to Chicago and engaged in sexual CONGRESS with my wife? Is that what you're telling me?
Jill St. Claire: Jimmy, Jimmy, calm down!


Jimmy: [now livid] IS IT? I SWEAR TO GOD...!
[Jill takes the phone from Jimmy]
Oz: [to Cynthia] He's a little upset. I've managed to upset a mass murderer.
Jimmy: FIND OUT WHERE HE IS!
[into phone]
Jimmy: JUST STAY RIGHT THERE!
[Jill takes the phone away]

Jimmy: It's a DISGRACE...
Jill St. Claire: [into phone] Oz, you stud, you!
Frankie Figs: Gonna be a DEAD stud.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jimmy: You like living in Canada?
Oz: No, I live here with my wife.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Cynthia: Promise me something.
Oz: Anything.
Cynthia: You'll go slow. I haven't made love in five years.
Oz: Neither have I. I've been married.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Cynthia: You really meant it, didn't you? What you said?
Oz: About loving you? Of course! What did you think this was all about?
Cynthia: [shrugs] Sex. I mean, GREAT sex...
Oz: [chuckling] It was pretty good... is that all this has meant to you?
Cynthia: Don't get me wrong, Oz. I like

you a lot...
Oz: Well, that's great to hear, but I've got news for you. I don't generally go around risking my life for people who just like me.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Cynthia: Have you vomited recently?
Oz: A minute ago. I was just gonna brush my teeth.
Cynthia: I'll wait.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Oz: He sa... he said you guys haven't even met.
Sophie Oseransky: Who you going to believe? A contract killer or your wife?
Oz: Do I have to answer that?

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jill St. Claire: Your wife is not a nice person.
Oz: You're expecting an arguement?

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Jimmy: I'm telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up - I would hate to... I would really hate to have to kill you. I would hate it more than mayonnaise. You know how much I hate mayonnaise.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Oz: I swear, I am not gonna let anybody kill you.
Cynthia: Under the circumstances, I think that's probably the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oz: Thanks.

The Whole Nine Yards
The Whole Nine Yards

Janni Gogolack: You know I have this same car?
Oz: Really?
Janni Gogolack: No.