Father of the Bride: You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy!
Robbie: Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me.
Rosie: [rapping] I said hip hop, a hibbi to da hibbi da hip hip hoppin, ya don't stop-a rockin' to da bang bang boogie say up jump da boogie to da rhythm to da boogie da beat!
Robbie: But the worst thing is: that Me, Fatty, Sideburns Lady, and the mutants over at Table 9, will never ever find a way to better the situation, because apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex.
Robbie: I don't even know your last name.
Glenn: It's Guglia.
[says it Gulia]
Robbie: Guglia? Oh, so Julia's last name's gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia! That's funny!
Glenn: [unamused] Why is that funny?
Robbie: I - don't know.
Julia: I puked.
Robbie: Okay. Don't worry.
Julia: I vomited in my hair.
Robbie: All right.
Julia: Does my hair smell bad?
[Robbie smells her hair]
Robbie: No, it smells good, actually.
Petey: Hey Linda, you're a bitch.
Robbie: Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might have Tourette Syndrome. We're looking into it.
Billy Idol: How you doing, Sir? Chicken or Fish?
Glenn: You better get out of my way, Billy. You're gonna get hurt.
Billy Idol: Oh, yeah?
Large Billy Idol Fan: Don't you talk to Billy Idol that way.
Robbie: Hey, psycho, I'm not gonna feel better about this, it's over. Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
Linda: Oh, okay, so you're still pissed about that wedding thing?
[screen switches to Linda on the front porch with the door slamming behind her]
David 'Dave' Veltri: Little news flash, Pop. Ha. Harold ain't so perfect. Remember that time in Puerto Rico when we picked up those two, uh... well, I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember paying.
Old man in bar: You need a prostitute.
Petey: [dressed as the Slasher] I made this for you, Uncle Robbie.
Robbie: [takes it] Aw, thanks, Freddy Kruger.
Robbie: [sees it's the wedding photo of himself and Linda, who he's drawn red devil's horns on] That's not nice... Very creative, though.
Sammy: If you find somebody you can love, you can't let that get away.
Robbie: Can I borrow your credit card?
Sammy: You're gonna pay me back, right?
Robbie: No. But if you don't give it to me, I'm gonna tell everyone what you said at the bar.
Robbie: Sleep it off, pal. All right.
David 'Dave' Veltri: [drunk] Hey, you know, wedding singer... Aroooo!
[trips and falls off the step]
Holly: How was your *bottle of rum* last night?
Julia: Did I vomit on you?
Holly: A little on my shoe, but luckily I was wearing your shoes.
Julia: Good.
Holly: God, I love David Bowie. He is SO sexy.
Glenn: You think the "time to make the donuts" guy is sexy.
Robbie: Heh heh, that guy is funny.
