Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Goodbye, trolley people!
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Helen, if Amelia refuses to accept the throne, then Genovia will cease to exist as we know it.
Helen Thermopolis: So the future of your country is in the hands of my 15-year-old?
Vice Principal Gupta: [on the phone] Gupta... mmhh... mmhh... mmhh.
[hangs up]
Vice Principal Gupta: The Queen is coming - to Grove High School.
Mia: Joseph, can we eighty-six the flags please?
Joe: No. The flags allow me to park anywhere. We keep the flags.
Mia: Sorry, Joseph.
Joe: You can call me, "Joe".
Mia: "Joey"?
[Giggles]
Joe: [Chuckles then abruptly turns serious] No. Joe.
[as his assistants pluck Mia's eyebrows]
Paolo: I love your eyebrows. We'll call them Frieda and Kahlo. If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx, their child would have your eyebrows!
Joe: No matter how many times you press that, it will still go up and down the same way.
Helen Thermopolis: This is getting us nowhere! Talk to me!
Mia: I can't talk to you right now; I'm late for a meeting with my guidance counselor.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: I'm late for a meeting with Spain and *Portugal*!
Mia: Okay... you know what? I don't feel protected. You try living for 15 years thinking that you're one person, and then in five minutes, you find out you're a princess. Just in case I wasn't enough of a freak already, let's add a tiara!
Mia: As always, this is as good as it's going to get.
Mia: You know, most kids hope for a car for their 16th birthday, not a country!
Mia: [Responding to Lilly's insults] Lilly! Just stop it, okay? Just because your hair sucks, get off mine!
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: [teaching Mia to walk like a princess] We don't slump like this!
[slumps past the doorway]
Mia: [on her green bathing suit] Okay I look like an asparagus.
Helen Thermopolis: But a very, very cute asparagus!
Mia: Now, what did you want to tell me?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Something that, I think, will have a very big impact upon your life.
Mia: I already have braces.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: No, it's bigger than orthodontia.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: So, where are you taking me?
Mia: Well, uh, do you have any change?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: No. It's not appropriate for royalty to jingle.
Mia: Okay, I'll get the change.
[cuts to a game arcade]
Mia: And then I realized how many stupid times a day I used the word "I". In fact, probably all I ever do is think about myself. And how lame is that when there's, like, 7 billion other people out there on the planet and when -
[Grandmother clears throat]
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Do we have any problems?
Charlotte Kutaway: [overly enthusiastically] No, everything's perfect. Perfect. It's wonderful.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: You're not very good at lying, Charlotte.
Charlotte Kutaway: No, I'm not, your Majesty.
Mia: I don't want to rule my own country, I just want to pass the tenth grade.
